ACTIONS OVER WORDS | KAGEHINA

10.

Tell Me, Is This The Right Thing To Do?

"Kenji is never good at comprehending his feelings," spoke Souta, "He didn't mean to hurt you."
"Well now he did, and he owes me an apology too," Hinata asserted with clear annoyance in his tone, "But that genius thinks it's a good idea to continue avoiding me."

"Well, he's heartbroken too, you know?"
"What gives?"
"I assure you that his heart longs for you, that he's terribly missing you."

Hinata didn't know what to believe. Maybe Souta was just saying that to Hinata for the sake of seeing his best friend happy after convincing Hinata to apologize to him.
"Well... Can't I just treat them equally?" Hinata reasoned, "Because I cannot avoid Kageyama."

"I understand but... You can't treat them equally."
"Why not?"
"You have to treat your lover like a lover and your best friend like, well, a best friend."

Hinata tilted his head slightly, his expression displaying visible confusion. Of course he could treat Kenji like a best friend, and of course, he could shower Kageyama with love if he had to. Souta sighed. "You wouldn't kiss Kageyama on the lips, would you?" He had no other choice than to be direct for he was dealing with a dumbass.

"Wha- No! He's not my..." Hinata paused. And that's when it hit Hinata. What Souta said made sense and he finally understood that. "Boyfriend," he continued under his breath.

"So? What will you do, Hinata?" Souta asked, blocking Hinata's thoughts. But how could Hinata do that? How could he suddenly start giving Kageyama less importance? "Well, I can't possibly hurt Kageyama now by suddenly behaving differently," Hinata responded, "He's got feelings too, you know?"

Souta understood what the latter meant. He knew how terrible he'd feel too if Hinata, out of the blue, commanded Kenji to stay away from him... or to start setting boundaries.
And so the two sat in awkward silence after that, quietly finishing whatever they had ordered.

"Uhm... I think I'll leave it to you to decide," Souta spoke up, interrupting the silence, "Have a good day, and thanks for inviting me."
He stood up, grabbed his backpack, and was about to walk away when Hinata's question paused him in his tracks, "Did you tell Kenji about me and Kageyama going to the arcade?"

Souta's monotonous expression soon changed to confusion. "No," he answered truthfully. "Don't lie. You did," Hinata argued, "Kenji told me you did." He then stood up and faced Souta.
"What're you saying? I didn't tell him anything," Souta asserted, "I swear."
"Then how did he get to know?" Hinata questioned, arms folded in front of his chest, "You are the only one who knows about it."

"Hm," Souta hummed as he tried to recall. "Maybe he checked our chats that day," he spoke. "What? Why?" Hinata queried. "Yesterday, I left my phone at his house accidentally... you see," Souta clarified, "When I returned to retrieve it, he seemed mad."
"Is that the truth?" Hinata suspected. "It is. Believe me. I've got no reason to lie to you," Souta stated. "Fine, not that it matters anymore now," Hinata shrugged.

They bid their goodbyes and Hinata headed home. He had a lot to think about - especially how to apologize to Kageyama.

───── ⋆ ⭑ ⋆ ─────

THE NEXT DAY

"Kenji! Wait!" Hinata called out when he spotted him walking out of a lecture hall. "Shoyo," Kenji mumbled as he watched the redhead run his way towards him. "I'm... sorry," uttered Hinata between his pantings when he reached him. "Hmm? What was that?" Kenji asked, startled.

Hinata stood up straight and looked dead into the latter's eyes. "I said, I'm sorry," he stated firmly. Kenji exhaled a smile. "Is that so?" He asked. "Yes, I did realize my mistake. I'm sorry," he apologized once again. He had decided to push aside his ego, he couldn't possibly wait for Kenji to apologize first when he, himself, was the reason why he got mad in the first place.

"And?" Kenji questioned when he noticed the redhead hesitating to speak further. "And... Uhh... I'll..." Hinata paused. He lowered his head and creased his eyebrows. While fidgeting with his fingers, he bit his lower lip... he couldn't bring himself to say it.
Kenji lifted Hinata's face using his index and thumb fingers before asking, "Is there more to say, Shoyo?"

Hinata's face seemed blank for a brief moment. What the fuck. Hinata cursed inwardly. It wasn't so difficult when I was mentally preparing myself.

How could he say it? How could he say it without feeling awful and selfish? How could he say it so that it wouldn't hurt himself so much?

But then again, there was no backing off now. He had already made his final decision and this was it. He had to say it whatsoever. Now or never.

"And I'll avoid Kageyama, for you," spoke Hinata in a feeble voice. There. He said it, suppressing all his tentativeness.
Kenji surely was taken aback by that, he had expected something more like an "I'll prioritize you more," or "I'll spend more time with you," or even the worst case scenario at times when he was overthinking, "We should break up."

"How'd you come to that conclusion?" Kenji queried further, letting go of his chin. "If that's what will bring us back together again," explained Hinata wholeheartedly, "Then be it."

Kenji, yet again, was surprised by the huge sacrifice that Hinata had just made. No matter how sincere he looked, Kenji could see behind that profound mask lay a restrained and tentative Hinata who was uncertain whether he should feel overjoyed that his lovely relationship with his lover was back...

Or feel terrible for pushing away his all-time comfort person, someone with whom he's been through a lot together, someone that he's known for what feels like ages now - Kageyama.

Is this the right thing to do? Hinata recalled Kageyama's words.

"Thank you, Shoyo," spoke up Kenji to which Hinata responded with a puzzled expression. "Thank you for choosing me," he added, clarifying. Hinata let a tender smile appear on his face, feebly still. "Of course," he uttered under his breath, "I'd always choose you above everyone else."

Or would he?

"Kenji!" Souta called out, "It's time for class!"
"Ah. Yes, coming!" Kenji responded. "Alright, Shoyo, I'll see you around," Kenji bid as he waved at the latter who waved back. He then proceeded towards Souta who stood, waiting at a short distance.

Little did they know, a certain someone had overheard their conversation - or rather, eavesdropped to satisfy his overflowing curiosity - that certain someone was Souta who was now filled with extremely fluctuating emotions.

Hinata, meanwhile, just stood there. He clutched his chest, you know, underneath where the heart is. It was beating so quickly; it was racing. Why was it racing though? Because it was blissful? Or because it was shattered yet once again?

Is this the right thing to do? Hinata recalled Kageyama's words yet once again.