ACTIONS OVER WORDS | KAGEHINA

14.

Sad Birds Still Sing

As Hinata walked, heading towards his apartment, the breeze continued growing cooler and stronger. He had this strange, unexplainable feeling in his chest that sort of kept tightening the more he thought of, well, a lot of things. The pavement appeared to be empty, not a soul in sight; of course, who in the right mind would be strolling outside in such weather?

The day was so gloomy just like him; the sky was cloudy just like his mind - clouded by countless thoughts; his surrounding was desolate and melancholic just like his heart - empty and longing for a specific someone.

And that's when he felt a knot forming in his throat, so he halted in his tracks and lowered his head. He stared at his feet blankly as his mind recalled the way Kenji spoke to him today. What did he do? What did he do to deserve this? What more did he have to go through to maintain a stable relationship with Kenji?

I had given up my everything for him. He thought. Everything that... I'm left with nothing now.

It cost a sniff for him to burst out in endless tears. Everything that could go wrong went wrong that day. He crouched then and there; hugged his knees and continued sobbing soundly - not like anyone was around to judge him. Warm tears trailed down his cold, pink-tinted cheeks.

Oh god did he not have anywhere to go now. His house wasn't the same anymore, it no longer felt like home; all it had was an untidy environment with alcohol bottles laying around.
Yes, he's been overwhelmingly stressed to the point that he had started drinking. It kind of helped him to detach from reality and be high on plastic happiness.

But he wanted to stop drinking before he got addicted and so he was restraining himself from going to his abode where bottles of beer awaited his arrival. In fact, he didn't wanna go anywhere now, he wanted to curl up and disappear - not die but disappear for he wasn't suicidal as he believed a few 'minor inconveniences' won't stop him from living until he achieved his goals in volleyball.

Right, volleyball. He's been so caught up in these dramatic situations in his life that he had started neglecting volleyball - his favorite sport, his serotonin boost, his comfort activity to do... with Kageyama.

He then shivered as a gust of cold breeze hit him. It wasn't a safe decision to be outdoors at this time, he was sure to catch a cold if he didn't find shelter any time soon. He sniffed, then stopped his tears from shedding any more, and stood up. He wiped his cheeks using the back of his palm and then rubbed his filmy eyes, clearing his vision.
He looked around and perceived a few shops were open, cafes too. But then... something was refraining him. He... somehow... still didn't wanna go anywhere.

Except for one place, of course. That one comfortable place with his comfort person living there.
Yes, he was considering going over to Kageyama's... but would the latter allow it? He wouldn't know unless he asks him, right?

And so, he grabbed his phone from inside his backpack and opened Kageyama's contact. He didn't hesitate a second before phone-calling him. The phone rang and Hinata anxiously tapped his foot on the pavement. He flinched as the thunder roared loudly and just then, the phone was not answered.

His heart felt a sharp pang of pain pierce through it once again. He knew this feeling all too well. He felt rejected. Right... what was I even expecting? He thought and was about to keep the phone back where it was when he received a text from Kageyama.

Kageyama: what do you want?

Hinata smiled - a smile of relief to be specific. It didn't matter to him if the text was out of genuine concern or just typed rudely out of annoyance. At least Kageyama didn't ignore him completely. And so, the smile remained on his face as he typed down his reply.

Hinata: Heyy!! Got a minute to spare?
Kageyama: no, leave me alone
Hinata: I'll make it quick! Promise! (˃ ⌑ ˂ഃ )
Kageyama: if it's another one of your love life problems then I seriously don't care
Hinata: Uhm :|
Hinata: Think I can come over? ( 〃．．)
Kageyama: no
Hinata: Please? I don't have anywhere to go ( ◞‸◟ )
Kageyama: go home
Kageyama: or have you been kicked out by the owner? Not that it's gonna make me allow you to come over
Hinata: It's not that... I just wanna talk to you in person

Hinata tightened his grip on his phone. Hoping and praying that Kageyama will grant the permission if he continued insisting. Normally, he'd intrude his house even if he wasn't invited but it was different this time. The situation was sensitive.

Kageyama: shut up
Kageyama: you think i'll just casually allow you to come over and talk about your fucked up love life after what all you have done to me?

Hinata's eyes widened slightly. Of course, it was expected for the topic to change like this. It's not like Kageyama will magically forget how Hinata treated him.

Hinata: Don't say that...
Kageyama: don't fuck with me
Kageyama: i've had enough of you treating me like a disposable person
Kageyama: tell me, what gives you the right to fucking use me like that?

Hinata felt his eyes tearing up again. He has hurt him, he has hurt the person dearest to him, he has hurt him terribly. He felt used. Hinata thought. Oh god... What have I done?

Hinata: I never intended to use you... Try to understand
Kageyama: i'm understanding enough Hinata and you enjoy taking advantage of that
Hinata: That's not true!
Kageyama: it appears to me that it is true
Kageyama: what did you expect, huh?
Kageyama: that you'll keep treating me like a second option and i'll keep watching?
Kageyama: i think the fuck not
Hinata: I didn't mean to... I'm sorry

Unable to hold himself back any longer, he allowed his tears to begin flowing one after the other. Just then, a water droplet fell on Hinata's screen. And then one more. And another. And soon, it started raining.

Kageyama: apologizing won't do now Hinata
Kageyama: you've fucking crossed the line
Hinata: If you let me explain, you'll understand!
Kageyama: i don't need your explanation
Kageyama: the situation is clearly understandable anyway
Hinata: No, you don't get it!
Hinata: I've been regretting my actions too, you know?!
Kageyama: as i said, i don't care, now leave me alone
Kageyama: we're not friends anyway, right?
Kageyama: why should we hangout then?

Hinata dropped to the pavement on his knees and clutched his chest as his breathing got heavier and his heart pounded loudly - he was hyperventilating. He has messed up big time. "I hate myself," he wept, "I fucking hate myself." He shoved his phone back inside the bag and in the process, he fell further down on his hips, now, sitting on the pavement.

And after that, he continued crying. Simultaneously, it continued pouring.