May 24th
"That was only supposed to be a one time thing"
Matt's words were spoken between heavy breaths and a bitten lip because this was supposed to be a one time thing, but he can't show you how happy he was that it wasn't.
You looked at him as he lay beside you as he tried to catch his breath. It had been two months since you last seen him like this and this way you both agreed that no matter where the night went, you could never end up here again.
What you both had was unforgettable, a perfect mistake none of you had stopped thinking about. What you felt now was different, what you did was different and nothing ever amounted to this.
"You say that as if you weren't the one to invite me over"
It was Matt that started this, despite the risk, he couldn't deny the connection. You always found your way back to each other, whether through late night messages or lonely phone calls, you both never stopped talking.
He liked you and he hated how much he did, but the liking was stronger than the hatred. He never found a good enough reason to keep himself away from you.
You were irresistible to him. He only met you once and that was all it took for him to be completely captivated.
Of course he knew how the night would end, he just can't imagine what kind of man it would make him if he were to admit it.
He turned over and faced you, his eyes not telling you how he really felt. He messed with the corner of your pillow, so close it made you wonder if that's what he truly wanted to touch.
"I don't want to make you the bad guy" Matt whispered as if he was in pain. It upset you that he would blame himself. "I just can't stop wanting what I want"
But you didn't want him to. You didn't want him to stop wanting this with you, doesn't want to have to give this up for the sake of a marriage, because being with Matt felt more real than the previous years of living in a world of pretend.
This is what it's supposed to feel like. This is the feeling everyone wants, the feeling everyone chases before they know what it is. This is the feeling you thought you once had for your fiancé, but unexpectedly found in Matt all those months ago.
"I am the bad guy" you said firmly, no matter how much you wished you weren't. "Only I can control that. The only thing I can't control is how I feel about you"
Matt's breath stopped when you reached out to stroke his cheek. His body burned up under the warmth of you touch and if it were up to him, he'd never let you let go.
But none of this was up to him.
So he said nothing, did nothing.
This wasn't going to end, you both knew it when your hearts swelled at the sight of each others gazes and when they move closer to one another, his hand on your cheek too.
This was only the beginning.
March 12th
You couldn't explain what you felt when you first laid eyes with the stranger from across the bar, his stare was full of curiosity. And it confused you, no one had ever looked at you like that before and you didn't know what to do.
You certainly would've remembered his face, it was captivating.
When he moved towards you, you got nervous.
Men never approached you, you never gave them a reason to and so you felt afraid you were going to make a fool out of yourself. His presence was comforting and warm, like he had no motives with you.
