December 31st
New years Eve was your favourite holiday.
Growing up, it was the one day you were allowed to sip your Mom's wine. You convinced everyone that you were drunk, sang off key on purpose, talked extra loud and danced like no one was watching.
As an adult, you embraced life on this day. It was a reminder that you made it, you survived and will survive no matter how trapped you were.
But you never had this much to drink on New Year's Eve and it wasn't for the reason you normally did.
You should've said no, should've walked out the door when Chris comes up with a crazy idea that would only end in catastrophe, but you couldn't. The idea was so ordinary that saying no would've been a risk than saying yes.
A New Year's Eve party at a hotel in the heart of LA for all his family and close friends, especially Matt.
And the look on his face when Matt witnessed you and Chris kissing, holding hands and pretending to be in love..you couldn't get it out of your head.
He was devastated, he looked down at his drink and clenched his jaw. You'd never seen him so upset and the worst part was, you couldn't do anything about it.
All you could do was stare at him, waiting for him to look back, until someone needed your attention. But you couldn't focus on anything besides the guy you were in love with and how you just broke his heart.
You shake your leg, looking around the room as Chris made small talk with his friends. He wouldn't let go of your hand and you hated it.
You couldn't begin to imagine how Matt felt, having to keep his distance from you and leave you with another guy. All that was in your head, was Matt and how you'd do anything to see him now.
You were going to tell him you love him, you had to. You had to say it for him to hear, feel and see and not just believe. He needed to know if he did see you and Chris kissing, that it was all for show.
"Who are you looking for?" Chris asked, pulling you closer to him.
"Nobody" you dropped his hand. "Do you know where the bathroom is?"
Chris stared at you. "Past the bar on the right" you nodded and handed him your empty glass.
You rushed towards the bar, praying he was there. But you couldn't see or feel him near, your stomach was churning. All you needed was five minutes, just five minutes to make things right again.
You walked past the bathroom and towards the exit, leading you out to the lobby where it was quieter.
Ten minutes till midnight.
You walked out of the lobby and across the parking lot, hoping to find Matt out here. He couldn't be gone. He couldn't have left you there without saying goodbye.
His car is running with no headlights and fogged windows, all the anxiety and adrenaline you felt suddenly turning to nervousness. This isn't where he should be right now.
You open the door on the passenger's side, startling him, nearly dropping the drink he'd snuck out of the bar to accompany him on this truly awful, lethal night.
"Are you hiding from me?" You joked, sitting in beside him, trying to lighten the mood. Everything was falling apart all at once and you were going to try everything to put it back together.
"No"
Matt didn't look at you, his eyes focused on his windshield. You frowned, knowing you really messed this up.
