Dropping The Crown

Chapter 62: Blameworthy

Adani's POV

"Hello Adani. Something told me I'd be seeing you again. Come in and have a seat."

"Thank you," I replied and sat in a comfortable chair. I looked around the room.

"How are you?"

"Not good."

"What's going on, Adani?"

"Dr. Milan, my whole world is basically falling apart right before my eyes because I'm sabotaging myself and my own happiness," I reported.

"What's wrong?" she asked with concern as she straightened the frame to her glasses on her face.

"I wasn't very candor at our first therapy sessions. I made you believe my nightmares and panic attacks stemmed from my childhood, a broken home, an absent mother because she was working to make ends meet, but in actuality, I was a victim of domestic violence. I was beaten, battered, bruised, dragged, slapped, shoved and choked-out by my ex-fiancé almost everyday of my life since we moved in together," I stated. I exhaled with shivers and shut my eyes as the images played yet again in my head.

"Adani. Adani, look at me," Dr. Milan said.

I opened my eyes and looked towards her.

"You're okay," she said.

"I'm trying my all to not fall apart, Dr. Milan. I have a man who loves me, who's in love with me and wants to marry me but I can't get my past out of my head. It's haunting me still. Why is that?"

"Past traumas can be triggered by different events such as words, actions and feelings."

"But Ricardo didn't say anything or do anything and I know I love him."

"This isn't about him. It's about you. You're making a step towards commitment and you're scared and becoming unsure of yourself and everything else coming your way. You don't want to have a repeat of your past so you're now questioning yourself how well do you know your fiancé and should you spend more time getting to know him than marrying him. All the time you've spent together suddenly feels rushed and you want things to slow down," Dr. Milan said and I wanted to kiss the woman. She was so on point with her explanation that it was frightening. I saw then why she was recommended and ranked so highly in Los Angeles.

"Dr. Milan, I'm afraid I'll lose Ricardo. The wedding is already cancelled and he wouldn't even look at me the same anymore." I felt my heart being broken all over again.

Dr. Milan took notes. "Adani, can you tell me what's haunting you more frequently from your past relationship?"

"Umm.. I'll have to say it's the pulling of my hair. He held onto my Afro so tightly that I would feel the hair being yanked from my scalp. What's terrifying, I found myself doing it to me."

She took more notes before asking another question. "Anything else?"

"The nightmares of him finding me, knowing my every move. I would contemplate going back to sleep when I woke from them."

"How frequent were the nightmares?"

"At first, it was almost every night. Then it happened when I started having feelings for Ricardo then it ceased when I fell in love with him," I finished with a smile.

"Can you remember any details about those nightmares?"

"The looks in his eyes and his voice. I would see those eyes and hear his wrath in my sleep," I answered.

"Have you seen or been in contact with your ex-fiancé recently?"

"Before the grand opening of my business."