DEFIANT • kylo ren (18+)

25 - I suppose... I'll have to make do.

Back at Starkiller, nausea floods your gut as you walk the halls.

The Knights split for the den instantly, throwing their helmets and weapons around recklessly as you enter. You hover by the door.

Stay here? Or see Ren?

Either way you'll have to face him.

You wanted to tell him how you held that man in your grasp. How powerful you felt. How the Force had warned you so often and how you felt trickles of Ren everywhere you went. How good it was to talk with him through that connection. How, now that you were back on Starkiller, that magnet had stopped pulling so strong.

Worse, you want to tell him you don't meditate anymore. Your connection with the Force is no longer as spiritual. Instead, you feel like it's fuelling you. Or maybe you're fuelling it. The crashing waves slam into the cliffs of your mind whenever you try to think about it.

You killed people today. Murdered people. Bad people, but still. The sight of them... it reminded you of Rey. The First Order had killed Rey.

That needs to be your ambition. Not this addicting power. Not the dark side you can feel, shadows wrapping around the corners of your mind. Not the spark of flames and dark of night.

A familiar but unwelcome pain begins to pierce through your scull, and you wobble your way to the sofa to lean your hands on the back of it.

"Ren's coming," you wince, warning the knights so that they don't do or say anything stupid, "he's close."

You can sense the change in the room at the words. The tension.

"Are you ok?" Trudgen's worried voice carries through the pain, and you manage to nod.

The headache worsens, high pitched ringing sounding through your inner ears. You pinch the bridge of your nose, trying to appear normal, but the knights can see you're in pain. They're on alert, you can feel the hesitation in their bodies.

After a moment, Ushar rushes to your side to help you around the sofa, placing you on the end. You retreat your legs up, pulling your knees to your chest so you can hide your face in them while you deal with the stabbing in your brain.

"Does this happen all the time?" Apl'lek inquires. "Surely not." He adds, a distant voice, speaking more to the room than you.

"No, not every time," you sigh, "I don't even know what it is. I'm not sure if he controls it or..." You yelp as a particularly painful dagger stabs behind your forehead, the sound muffled by your knees. "I don't know, I have no idea."

"Interesting." He replies, sounding far too casual for your liking.

"Is it?" You say too harshly, lifting your face to see Ap'lek rough eyebrows knotted together. He's closer now than he was before. You bury your face again.

"Testy." Ushar ruffles your hair and you groan, your head throbbing. You can feel his missing finger and your guilt becomes unbearable.

The door opens while Ushar's hand is still on your head, and you've never witnessed someone move so quickly when he snaps it away from you.

You can feel Ren, you don't need to bother to turn and see him.

It's suffocating. Addicting.