I Forgot That You Existed

6

I find myself gazing into the vast night sky filled with a thousand of twinkling stars. The quiet pulls me in and made me look the way I live a fast paced and loud life. I find myself running around most days, talking at warp speed and sprinting from one activity to the next.

I'm so focused on menial day-to-day tasks, that 'it's easy to get wrapped up in controlling everything around me. This is my favorite moment, as it always brings me to the realization that I can't control everything and it's alright to slowdown.

A couple of minutes passed, Max sat on the backrest chair with one leg crossed over the other. "I can't look up into the universe without wondering what's out there." He mumbles while staring at the sky.

An awkward silence settles in when I don't response. I'm not sure what to say. 'Of course it's huge, even the scientist still questions how vast it is' I sound nerd. It doesn't take advanced education to appreciate the vastness of the universe. 'No, it seems flat' what would he say then? Instead, I cleared my throat, and slid over on the chair. Gesturing him to just look at the sky. Observe it and keep quiet.

Glancing him on my peripheral view, I notice how much he wants to talk, as expected he breaks off the silence. "It reminds me to accept the unknown. How about you? What made you fall in love to the stars?"

I'm the type of person who's never loss for words. Yet around him, I find it happening quite often. However, I force myself to think and utter, "Yes, I'm a bit of an astrophile, 'cause when I look at the sky, it gives me inner peace. It feeds my soul and makes me feel humble." I passionately answered. He gave me a wry smile and I feel instantly relief.

"About what happened today, I'm sorry. I know how much you wanted space for solitary moments like this, it just that, I don't know where to go. Anyway, I just really needed to vent, and you're the only person I can talk to at the moment. "

I feel a throbbing pain in my chest. How narcissistic of me to let him feel that. I felt a sudden guilt as to what I have done.

Yet, he's right. It's like ten hours ago since I keep complaining of him being here. I had a lot of overthinking and puzzlement. I even got mad of him for liking me. It's like he's dealing with a mysteriously complicated person who's just guarding off her solitary life.

"No, I'm not." I answered shortly telling at his blue eyes that he doesn't have to feel sorry, that I can adapt and I'm unexpectedly glad that his here.

"I always find myself feels empty no matter how much friends and exciting stuff I had make. I can't figure out where is this sadness coming from." He starts to open up, again.

I cautiously think of comforting words, because he seems fragile this time. "You said, your goal is to ended up happy most of the time. I think I got an idea." I utters trying to lift up his mood. Although I have no single idea popping out inside my spontaneous brain.

"All you have to do is to look up at the blanket of stars across the night sky and listen to what I'm about to say, no questions. Okay, imagine you're looking at stars, planets, galaxies, nebulae and we 're just one tiny part of that. Even the stars that seem dots, are bigger than us. And just try to feel like an ant. You can't move things around neither got the power to control it. Like an ant, you just have to move forward, not expecting anything great.Because you don't have to be always happy.There is always so much pressure on us to be happy and it's unrealistic to be expected to sustain such contentment.And when you really step back and realize that we're just a tiny part of something that is huge, our day to day trouble seems less. " I stop from unconsiously blabbering. Then, a second or two, we both look at each other.

"Now, I'd realized the reason why I feel empty. It's because I never allowed myself to feel everything. All my life, I have been so controlling, just to not feel sad. Allow yourself to be happy, allow yourself to be miserable and everything in between. ", says Max who's blue eyes shine from the reflection of stars.