I Forgot That You Existed

Chapter 7

When I wake up the chirping and oozing sounds of nature made me feel calm and realize that I am no longer sad. He was definitely here, I think. It was not a dream. No it was real. He was real, fallen deeply in a quiet sleep.

I grab my bag and look for my towel, a pair of blue sweat pants and top, and lingerie. I don't understand why some don't choose sports bra for their daily basis, it so underrated and I like the way my thirty-two size of boobs are in tacked. You can do whatever you want and forgot that you have protruding organs called breast. I head outside as I finish drinking a liter of bottled water which I recall is healthy and beneficial right after you wake up. My circadian rhythm doesn't need an alarm clock to wake up early as  this gloomy weather appears which made me guess it's five o'clock.

The sun has just barely risen and yet the sky is already royal blue and there are no absolutely no clouds whatsoever.  The fire is burnt-out and I get a pale and dipper to take a bath with my clothes on.  The water from the mountain is ten times colder than a regular room temperature.  Yet, I managed to finish since I get used to cold showers as it help me to stop the everyday I-don't-get-enough-sleep feeling and get my body energized for the rest of the day.

I pat myself dry, comb my hair and get my pants on. I will combine a yoga and a mindfulness meditation today right as the sun has shines. I don't usually go straight for breakfast. I just don't feel like to get bloated right after I wake up, unless it's less dense as water.

I can feel the heat from the sun on my shoulders as I stand right near on the cliff. The ocean is serene, no waves . The wind touches my face as it felt like anytime I could fly. This is how weightless I feel right now. As if somehow in the middle of the night my soul was visited by something divine- or something I don't know but whoever it was or whatever happened I feel different today than I did yesterday or even than past couple of years. Lighter, as if a breeze could go right through me. Amazing.

I face the sun with full of calmness inside. I inhale deeply and exhale slowly. I stretch my body and bend my knees left and right. I lift up both of my arms and my right leg as I place it on my left inner thigh making a triangular pose. I can stand for five minutes without falling in as I learned the art of balance. I start to meditate without getting distracted of unconscious thoughts and focus on my breathing instead.

Now I go through mindfulness meditation and I'm starting to observe my thoughts, all of it. From the moment I woke up in the hospital and remembered the accident: "Mom, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I mourned. My mom hugged me  and caressed my back telling me it's not my fault.  But I know deep down, that it was my mistake, even though I didn't intend to.

That night, it was a second day after my sixteenth birthday. Pinilit ko ang father ko na i-celebrate ito sa favorite place ko, ang lugar na ito kasama ang kaibigan kong si Nicole. My father agreed but insist of guarding and going with us. Nicole was so delighted when she finally got the chance to see this place as I always promised her that someday we will go and camp here but my father didn't allow us because of the under-construction of hydroelectric dam and for that very first time, we were both happy.  I insist of staying for two more nights, and with all of the discomfort feelings, my father grant my wishes again. Until the heavy storm came and wash us out. We manage to trudge down the forest and get into the car but it was dark and late night, my father could barely see the roadway, the trees are falling off and everything goes out of control. As I woke up, Nicole is no longer breathing and my dad gets severely injured from head to his legs and he can't moved his body as it was the tree has fallen and crushed our car. He commanded me to stay awake and save my breath from crying. I got bruises and wounds and big glass strike deeply in my arms, it hurts and I can barely move. I tried to look for help but we're in the middle of nowhere and phones are drained and not working and then I passed out.