I Forgot That You Existed

Chapter 1

It's year 2029.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang kasalanan ko sa mundo at pilit akong pinaparusuhan sa pagbalik sa lugar na ito.

"Hey."

Agad akong napalingon. Kahit na hindi ko siya gaanong maaninag dahil sa mga sinag ng araw. Tanaw ko ang masayang bungad ng kaniyang mga ngiti, suot ang berdeng scout tshirt ngunit bago ko pa mailarawan ang lahat, nagkamali ako ng hakbang at nadulas mula sa bangin na kinatatayuan ko. Ito na sana ang huling pagkakamali na hindi ko sinasadyang gawin.

Mabilis naman akong napakapit sa mga damo, at dahan-dahang gumapang papalayo sa bangin. Muntik na. Hindi naman ako takot mamatay. Ang masaklap kasi kapag natuluyan akong mahulog sa bangin na 'to, ay siguradong hindi ako mamamatay. Sa halip ay mapaparalisado lang ang aking katawan dahil may malaking bato ang tiyak na sasalubong sa katawan ko, bago ko pa marating ang rumaragasang lawa sa ilalim nito.

Ang maparalyze na ata ang pinakamatindi kong kinatatakutan, just imagine, sobra kung gumana ang utak mo sa paglikha ng mga bagong ideya at mag-isip ng mga bagay na kapana-panabik tapos hindi mo man lang pwedeng gawin kasi paralyze ka. Hindi mo manlang magawa na igalaw ang daliri ng iyong mga paa. Dinaig pa yung plano ng mga tropa mo na ilang taon na ang lumipas pero hindi matuloy-tuloy. Ito na siguro ang pinakamasakit na torture sa lahat. Mas pipiliin ko pang mamatay sa ligaw na bala kaysa mamuhay ng paralisado ang buong katawan, kasi sa sitwasyon at estado ng buhay ko, hindi ko kaya.

Two years ago, my life was interesting because I didn't know where I was going, I just knew I was going somewhere. It was exciting because I hadn't arrived anywhere yet. I've been to a lot of midnight madness parties. Meet different persons. Travel the world with my parents twice a year. Getting laid and still graduated with flying colors, imagine that. And the journey itself was exhilarating. The detours. The high school feels. The uncertainty. I used to change my mind about things right in the middle of doing shit. Made mistakes and was a teenager girl enough to admit I made them but I didn't slay myself for it. Back then I did whatever I felt like doing that gave me pleasure. When did I stop? And why?

"Are you ok? Uhm.. Ava?", bigkas niya matapos basahin ang name tag na nakadikit sa tshirt ko.

"All freshmen students, go to your respective groups and stop loafing around! I repeat—"

Pareho kaming napatingin sa camp mula sa boses ng isang prof na umalingawngaw gamit ang isang megaphone. Agad naman akong tumayo at inayos ang aking sombrero.

"Uhm, thanks for your concern. I think you should go." ,wika ko habang pinapagpag ang mga nakakapit na dumi sa damit ko. Nagsimula akong maglakad pasan-pasan ang aking backpack, papalayo sa camp area na tutuluyan namin. Do I hate this university? No, I just hate everything.

It's been three months since I started to name myself as college freshman. The thing about college is that most of us, after twelve years of studying in lower grades, we still don't know if we really did the right thing of choosing the career we're pursuing or if we will be ended up happy. Yet, I'm still doing fine, doing good on my own as what my friends believe so. I want to believe whenever they say, 'Ava you're lucky because you got your whole life planned out', but deep down I knew I'm also one of lost wandering souls trying to find a place in this world.

I'm free-spirited person and open to a lot of things. I never judge people, instead I welcome and listens to them as much as I enjoy hearing new stories every single day. I'm normal, boldly unsophisticated, longer misguided, or any other words you could relate to teenagers. But not suicidal, since I met Nicole. Who would've gone through depressing times if you have a friend who teach you how to be too much of an angsty self-centered girl to worry about anything but yourself. You'll never see her sad or problematic about anything because she could think of solutions right away. For her, if things are done then it's definitely over, move on and stop living with regrets and she hates drama, I miss her a lot. She and I are a lot alike except she's much more outspoken and says whatever comes to her mind and then think about it later. She is forever putting her foot in her mouth but that's what I loved about her: plus the fact that she really doesn't give a shit. I'm not as impulsive-I atleast try to consider the consequences of what I'm doing but even if I'm scared I usually do it anyway, because it kinda gives me a rush. That's why I'm longing for her every time I need someone to talk to or doing fun with her. Also, my down to earth persona is one of many things I inherited from my father. We were so close, he enjoyed travelling and researching about nature. We used to trekked in this forest and teaches me a lot of amazing stuffs. I loved my father and I miss him.