I Forgot That You Existed

7

When I wake up, the chirping and oozing sounds of nature make me feel calm and realize that I am no longer sad. He was definitely here, I think. It was not a dream. No, it was real. He was real, having fallen deeply into a quiet sleep.

I grab my bag and look for my towel, a pair of blue sweat pants and top, and lingerie. I don't understand why some don't choose sports bras for their daily basis; they are so underrated, and I like the way my thirty-two-size boobs are in tack. You can do whatever you want and forget that you have protruding organs called breasts. I head outside as I finish drinking a liter of bottled water, which, as I recall, is healthy and beneficial right after you wake up. My circadian rhythm doesn't need an alarm clock to wake up early as this gloomy weather appears, which made me guess it's five o'clock.

The sun has just barely risen, yet the sky is already royal blue and there are absolutely no clouds whatsoever. The fire is burned  out, and I get too pale and dizzy to take a bath with my clothes on. The water from the mountain is ten times colder than a regular room temperature. Yet, I managed to finish since I get used to cold showers, which help me stop the everyday I don't get enough sleep feeling and get my body energized for the rest of the day.

I pat myself dry, comb my hair, and get my pants on. I will combine yoga and mindfulness meditation today, right as the sun shines. I don't usually go straight to breakfast. I just don't feel like getting bloated right after I wake up, unless it's less dense than water.

I can feel the heat from the sun on my shoulders as I stand right near the cliff. The ocean is serene; there are no waves. The wind touched my face as it felt like anytime I could fly. This is how weightless I feel right now. As if somehow, in the middle of the night, my soul was visited by something divine—or something I don't know—but whoever it was or whatever happened, I feel different today than I did yesterday or even in the past couple of years. lighter, as if a breeze could go right through me. Amazing.

Inside, I am at peace as I face the sun.I inhale deeply and exhale slowly. I stretch my body and bend my knees left and right. I lift up both of my arms and my right leg as I place it on my left inner thigh, making a triangular pose. I can stand for five minutes without falling in, as I learned the art of balance. I start to meditate without getting distracted by unconscious thoughts and focus on my breathing instead.

Now I'm going through mindfulness meditation and I'm starting to observe my thoughts, all of them. From the moment I woke up in the hospital and remembered the accident, I said, "Mom, I'm sorry." "I'm so sorry." I mourned. My mom hugged me and caressed my back, telling me it wasn't my fault. But I know deep down that it was my mistake, even though I didn't intend to.

That night, it was the second day after my sixteenth birthday. I forced my father to celebrate it at my favorite place, this place, with my friend Nicole. My father agreed but insisted on guarding us and going with us. Nicole was so delighted when she finally got the chance to see this place, as I always promised her that someday we would go and camp here, but my father didn't allow us because of the under-construction of a hydroelectric dam. For the very first time, we were both happy. I insist on staying for two more nights, and with all of the discomfort I feel, my father grants my wishes again. until the heavy storm came and washed us out. We manage to trudge down the forest and get into the car, but it was dark and late at night; my father could barely see the roadway; the trees are falling off; and everything goes out of control. As I woke up, Nicole was no longer breathing, and my dad was severely injured from the head to his legs, and he couldn't move his body as the tree had fallen and crushed our car. He commanded me to stay awake and save my breath from crying. I got bruises and wounds, and a big piece of glass struck deeply in my arms; it hurt, and I can barely move. I tried to look for help, but we're in the middle of nowhere and phones are drained and not working, and then I passed out.