I Forgot That You Existed

Chapter 9

A raindrop touches my arm and the ground starts to heat up, it's past twelve o'clock and we barely see the sun which made a gloomy weather that dimming our pathway.

I don't think we could make it on time so I made myself ready in case we happened to across with our friends in only one specific trail way to trudge down the forest. For sure, our colleagues will cut their time off and will hastily go down here because of the unexpected heavy rain, what a busted trip. I can't imagine our life up there if this will continue for the whole afternoon or even worst up to nighttime. The idea of going back is definitely the craziest because we will obviously get caught by the only entrance gate of the guarded camp down there. The rain starts to fall off and soil turns into mud. Ano ng gagawin ko?

It seems like my mind stop working in a minute hanggang sa sandaling iniharang niya ang kaniyang bag mula sa mga nahuhulog na sanga sa sobrang lakas ng hangin. I look at him and his eyes are delicate and bright and I can't stop myself from staring at his gorgeous face, a fair complexion and a perfect nose bridge with thin red lip at tila lahat ng nakapaligid sa amin ay huminto at ang bawat sandali ay naging mabagal. I can no longer deny it, I'm inlove with his gaze, with every emotion written in his face, when he knows how to speak his mind intelligently and a smile he carries. Surely is, I'm in love with everything he is. He look at me as if he's reading my mind and hug me like we're not struggling in the middle of something. I come to think of what are we now? Getting to know or still stuck at flirting stage, no, it can't be. But do we really need a label for anything? It doesn't matter let's keep it this way and just focus our mind to think of how to get out of here, before a lightning strikes us. "We don't wanna get caught, don't we?" I say with a little laugh. He blushes and hold my hand. He guide me with every step and titigil kapag dadaan na kami sa malalaki at madudulas na bato. Hindi naman mahirap baybayin ang daan sa gitna ng gubat papunta sa dagat, kaya lang kasi naisipan naming lumihis ng daan at magtago sa mga kakahuyan sa gilid ng mismong trail pababa sa takot na baka makasalubong at makita namin sila.

I come to think of tomorrow and the days after it. If this connection will lasts long how will I be able to interact with his friends? Talking him at the hallway. Having lunch with him. Crash at his house? Or doing homework at my place? Will he take me out and drive me home? I'm curious what it feels like to be in a relationship. But what relationship really means? As what I have read, being in a relationship means being in love, yes it should be. Love is neither a moment nor a feeling, it is the existence of togetherness. I need to have faith. A constant nagging or skeptical attitude will ruin the relationship, glad I don't own that persona. Being in a relationship means having a balance between the freedom and bondage. I never expected to fully let my guard down to someone, and one thing that a relationship requires is being able to share. Sharing feelings, emotions, thoughts and actions will makes us feel complete in our own world of two connected people. Even so, he needs to accept that we have separate lives, and I should not be afraid to to try new things just because he's not into it. Life is interesting only because of the differences and the individuality and we should embrace that. We should praise the good, accept the flaws and provide inspiration to grow. Why am I going into deep thinking again? Why I can't just ride with the flow of this intense and heart-fluttering connection.

Paano ko ikukwento kay Charlotte at Beatrix ang dahilan kung bakit at papaano kami nagkakilala? Naalala ko tuloy yung madalas kong pang-aasar kay Beatrix kapag broken siya, 'Nakaguhit naman yung tadhana nyo, sa scratch paper nga lang.' Maiinis ako kapag iginanti niya sa akin yun. Grabe iniisip ko palang natatawa na ako. Well, it's not strange. I realize that love doesn't have to earn for years. Love is love, every second is a feeling, a minute interaction, a blink of an eye, or a meaningful gaze, it just struck you like a lightning volt. Getting to know someone on a deep, emotionally intimate level, separate from physical attraction typically takes some time. Maybe this is infatuation but whatever it is, all I know deep down is that I'm happy and comfortable when he's around.