I Forgot That You Existed

8

"To tell you honestly, I came here to live a dream." Max keeps on blabbering about something I don't understand, but somehow I could feel it, or maybe I'm just confused. Are we feeling the same thing? I suppose not.

We're sitting in the sand, letting the waves touch our toes as they reach the shore. It's been an hour since we decided to stay here after jumping off the cliff. We both like the weather because it's not too hot and the trees shed. "What do you mean?" I ask to clarify if we're feeling the same way. Lately, I have always had this feeling that I have to go here, right in this forest. I don't understand if those are consciences or nightmares that keep bothering me, but when this hilariously profound outdoor activity scattered around the hallway in our school, my whole system was overwhelmed, as if I didn't understand the feeling. "What are the odds this is a metaphorical formative experience?"

I've been yearning for someone I've never met my entire life. I told myself that maybe it's me feeling lonely when my friends are not around or the feeling of boredom when you're all alone and stuck in your house while your parents are on their purposeful travel and you want them to get back so you can have their presence around. But no, I knew deep inside that something had to happen. Maybe it happened in a dream I can no longer recognize. Are those foreshadowings? From the moment I tripped yesterday up to jumping off the cliff and sitting here, everything is familiar. The scenarios are already inside my head; are those the reasons why I have felt this way for ten years? I just can't stand it, then I keep ignoring all of it until, "I always had this repeating scenario in my head, and I always feel like I have to meet someone, and there's something that needs to happen." But now I," until the answer gets out of his lips and I see a huge red flag.

He keeps on talking until I'm no longer listening and unconsciously staring at his thin cherry lips, and I find myself slowly leaning on him, and all of a sudden I press his lip against mine. His breath hitches the moment and flushes out smiles, and then we're both smiling. He pulls me in as he lays down his body on the sand, letting me fall into his chest. He puts his arms on my bare shoulders and whispers in my ear, "Thank you for making it a reality," and before I can answer, I feel something warm and heavenly land on my lips. He's kissing me like he has been wanting to do this for a long time, but he is not frantic, and I've been waiting to feel this magic I've forgotten. I'm loving every move of our tongue, and when he holds me tighter, I can't get close enough to him because he is helping me find a position where we will be able to blend, and because it is impossible in what feels like slow motion, we begin to search and explore our chins, ears, elbows, eyebrows, arms, fingertips, and wrists, but always back to our lips, where something passes from him to me and me to him.

I can feel a heartbeat in his belly, and I can feel his stomach sink against my stomach, where butterflies are fluttering. He's still moving so very slowly, and I'm glad that he's not rushing, and somehow we are moving like those waves trying to reach us. What is this? It's crazy. I actually understand all of it; I get it; I just can't stand it. Is it really destined to happen? Are there any sure-fire signs that he's really into me? Is it possible to look at someone and get the feeling that you two will be together forever? Falling in love can feel both amazing and awful at the same time. Wait a minute, hold it, stop, I say in my mind, push him away, and get myself up. "What's wrong?" he asks. My tears are starting to build up; I'm not feeling okay.

I want to say I'm starting to have feelings for you, but I'm terrified at the thought of losing myself again because it is so scary peeling off that protective sealant that's been guarding my heart and letting somebody go inside and walk around, lie down, and see all those red flags, especially when right next to your heart is your soul, and then inside that are the rest of your personality puzzle pieces, and they're full of flaws, and in your grown-up years you're just starting to recognize them for what they are.