I Forgot That You Existed

3

We deny the obvious and continue to accept this false sense of freedom because maybe it's easier to pretend like we're not all bound to something deep inside.

"Woah, these trees will make you look like a dwarf." Max yells.

"Yup, growing up to 116 meters tall, just looking up at these natural skyscrapers will make you feel tiny." I recall.

"This is the first time I've seen these gigantic trees in my entire life." He unconsciously keeps on uttering while looking up, reaching the farthest sight of the leaves of these trees.

After so many years of solitude, it feels strange to have another presence around. How strange of me to adapt it after one hour of trekking and meditating in this forest! I feel stupid that I'm still looking for his ulterior motives, and he didn't seem to have one, really.

We continued walking, with the help of the stick we held to prevent us from slipping and with the compass I was looking at for minutes.

I would just walk straight; as long as I could hear Max's crackle, I was sure he was just following behind. I'm just wondering why he seems to be slow to walk; we haven't climbed the mountain yet. Moments later, I turned and looked at him.

He diligently studies and tries to remember our paths. Maybe he's afraid of the possibility that we might get lost. I laughed as I watched him, took off my favorite beige cap, and said, "We're not going to get lost, promise."

"I believe so. You seem to be all-knowing." He shrugs.

"Err." I frown and continue to walk. Sometimes, I don't know how to respond appropriately without any awkwardness or shitty words I used to say. I think I've always sort of been an outsider on the inside. I'm floating over my body like I'm watching my interactions, or if I'm just destined to observe them for the rest of my life. Introvert's dilemma.

"Why did you leave the camp?" "We will also go hiking tomorrow."

Should I answer that? I stopped and turned back, saying, "I can't just bear the thought of having fun with other people at this place." I managed to say

He immediately approached where I was standing and asked, "Any sentimental attachment in this forest?" He keeps on asking beside me.

"My father and I used to trek this forest when he got his free time, mostly on weekends." I say, recollecting the past.

"Oh, I see."

"But now he's gone."

"Oh, I'm sorry." A sudden sadness appears in his face as he sensibly taps my shoulder.

"No, it's fine." I'm fine." I smiled at him and got rid of his hand. "Come on, we have to get there before dark." I said this and continued walking.

"So, you plan to join in our school's outdoor and team-building activities just to come all the way here?" He asks with a little laugh while we're trudging through big rocks and fallen vines.

"For grades, yes, I have to." Albeit, I don't want to be here." I answered seriously as I straightened my hair and put my hat back on.

"I guess you should be happy. "Your father leaves you tons of exciting memories says Max with full memories," says Max with full sincerity.

"When you lose someone who leaves you those exciting memories, you're longing for them. Yes, you moved on. You already accept that he's gone and that you can't do anything about it. But when those memories come back, just like the memory of this place, the pain keeps hurting. And that's the kind of heartbreak that even time could never mend. "

"I understand."

"He's a botanist." My father spends his entire life appreciating nature's gifts. "He finds happiness in every plant, animal, and even the smallest and simplest thing you could think of." I remember so much about Dad.