Love Me, Hate Me, Either Way, You're Thinking Of Me... {Completed}

Tough Love

Semi-Unedited

Sapphire’s P.O.V

“Why do I feel like that was a goodbye kiss?” Joshua asked the moment we broke apart.

Moving away from him, I sighed. “Joshua-”

“You choose him, didn’t you? If this is about Lily, she lied! Well, not about us being on drug and getting my father to help us get clean, but about the part of him making her high and staging the heroine shoot up. It was all fabricated. She admitted to me that she was trying to get you to believe her and break us up-”

“It is not that! I just … I just think you have your own life going on,” I told him with a single tear falling out of my right eye. “I really like you. You’re kind and you put people before yourself. I love how you are the sweetest man in the world, yet you have this bad ass thing going...”

“But...”

“But, you ... you are not for me. I think we both know that. You have a son and you are dealing with Lily. I am in high school and dealing with teen drama ... I wish our world messed together ... but you and I know ... they don’t.”

Joshua gazed at me with a spiritless expression. “Sapphire-”

I backed away so I was standing back on the welcome mat. “No, Joshua ... this is how ... this is how it has to be.”

Suddenly a wailing sounded from another room over.

Joshua glanced over his shoulder and then back at me.

“Go, he is your son. He comes first, remember?”

Giving me an uneasy look, Joshua huffed. “Stay right here. Don’t move,” he pleaded. “Okay?”

I looked at him without nodding or replying.

Joshua studied me for a full minute. I knew he was taking me in, because he and I had full knowledge that by the time he came back, I would be gone.

Another cry sounded and Joshua grunted. “I will be right back. Don’t go.”

The moment his figured disappeared I slipped a note on the table by his front door and closed the door. I walked to the car thinking about how this was all wrong. Just this morning I felt like I shouldn’t break ties with Joshua and Blake ... but here I was. Twelve hours later and boyless.

A smile found its way on my face as I turned on the car. It felt kinda relieving not to have all this stress going on in my life. I was free. No Blake. No Joshua. No picking.

Part of me started to wonder if I’d broke up with both boys just so I wouldn’t have to pick. But reversing out of the driveway, I shook that thought out of my head. I was about to turn out of the cove when I saw a familiar van parked across the street. I looked at it and then saw Alicia and Johnny looking at me with shocked expressions. It took them a good three seconds before they ducked down.

I gave off a chuckle and rolled down my window. “I see you all!” I called out to them.

There was silence and I didn’t see them pop their heads back up. It was then that I knew they were going to act like I was crazy. But, I knew for a fact that that was Johnny’s car because I saw him pull up to my house in it. When he did I took a mental note of the small dent in the front bumper. Don’t ask why, but it stood out to me.

“Alicia! Johnny! I know you two are then there!” I shouted.

Suddenly Johnny’s head popped up and he gave me a small smile. “Oh, Sapphire! How are you?” He innocently asked me.

“I’m good ... why are you in this neighborhood with Alicia? Please tell me you two were not following me.”

“Nope, no following. Just ... just out for a ride ... alone... With no one in my car ... at all. Ouch!” Johnny said and it looked like he jumped a bit. He gave me a sheepish smile, “leg cramp.”

“Right, leg cramp ... You know, if I didn’t know any better I would say that you were coming on to me Johnny. Following me, alone.”

“Hell no! He is my man!” Alicia shouted as she sat up straight in her seat.

“Oh! Alicia! I didn’t see you there!” I stated with a smile.

“Like hell you didn’t. You tricked me!” She accused.

“You followed me! Now, I am going to the store to get ice cream, unless you want to follow me there...”

“Get chocolate ice cream!” I heard a voice yell from the back of the van.

“Is that Carmen?” I questioned.

Alicia shrugged her shoulder, “maybe.”

I gave off a short laugh and sighed. “Hey, who wants to go to Wal-Mart?” I asked.

“Me!” Carmen shouted.

I nodded, “I give you all permission to follow me.” I joked before taking off to the nearest Wal-Mart.

***

Walking in the superstore I squinted my eyes. This place had the brightest light ever.

“Oh! Linx buy me some chocolate!” Carmen begged as she ropped her arm around Linx’s neck.

He rolled his eyes, “food, food, food all you ever want is food Woman!”

“I know that you are jealous that food is my lover and you come second, but you are going to have to get over that, Boyfriend.”

“I come first, Munchkin.” He sternly said before placing a kiss on her cheek.

Blushing she grabbed his hand and walked along side of me.

“Oh, I love these scarves!” Said Alicia as she touched on of the many scarves they had on display.  Grabbing a black and white striped one. Alicia looped it around her neck. She looked at us all and smiled. “What do you think?”

“Just gorgeous darling,” Carmen stated.

We all laughed when we looked at Carmen. She was wearing a scarf on her head and was sporting some 1970 style sunglasses.

Skyler grabbed a scarf and placed it around his neck, hooking it to a rack nearby he made it look like he was hanging himself.

All of the boys laughed at him, but Carmen, Alicia and I. Instead we smack him because we knew he was making fun of Alicia and Carmen and how they were joking around and he rather kill himself then deal with us.

“You think they have the new Fighter Jet game?” Linx asked as we rounded the corner that led to the electronic department.

“I don’t know, let’s see,” Skyler said as he and my brother went over to the video game section.

“Hey, come back!” Carmen whined from beside me.

“Johnny! No! Come back!” Alicia called out to her boyfriend that was following after the other guys.

“They are a lost cause,” I muttered.

“Hey, look,” Alicia said as she pointed to a rack behind us that had Nerf guns. “Thinking what I am thinking?”

“That we should get some food?” Carmen inquired.

Shaking our heads, Alicia and I grabbed the Nerf guns. While racing to the nearest cash register. Our plan was to attack them in a middle of aisle but Alicia saw them coming over and grabbed my car keys while telling me she was going to hide the guns in car.

“Where is Alicia?” Johnny asked.

“I don’t know, I think she went to the restroom.” I told him.

“I thought she went you to your car,” Carmen interjected.

Giving a small growl I spoke, “does anyone know where the freezer section is in this store?” I questioned.

“The food is all on the other side of the store,” Carmen answered.

We all gave a small chuckle because of course she would know that.

***

When it was time to leave Carmen and Alicia both stated that they were riding with me because the boys had bought a video game. I agreed because I knew how torturous it would be for them to sit in a car with the boys due to the fact that they would talk non-stop about the game.

“So, Sapphire what happened at Joshua’s?” Alicia asked from the backseat.

I glanced at her from the rear view mirror but looked away and focused back on the road. “Nothing.”

“Lair, your nose curled,” Carmen stated.

Giving a loud exhale, I knew I had to tell them the truth. “I broke up with Joshua.”

“What?!” They both shouted simultaneously.

“I had too ... he had too much going on his life. I am a teenager ... I can’t deal with a child and a grown man. Plus, he had issues with his ex that he still needed to figure out.”

“Are you sure it is over?” Alicia second questioned me.

“Yeah, I am.”

“What did you put in his house? I saw before you walked away, you put something beside the door.” Carmen proclaimed.

“It was a note,” I answered.

“Oh, a note ... what did it say?” Carmen quizzed.

I wanted to tell them that I didn’t remember ... but I knew that was a lie. I knew every line, every word that was on the note. I memorized it while debating if I should throw it away or not. “Dear Joshua,” I began to say. “I’m sorry that we’ve reached this crossword that I thought we would never get to. If you think I picked Blake over you, you’re mistaken. I choose neither you nor him. My love is spilt and I think that I can’t give either one of you the love you both deserve. I am sorry and please don’t contact me all you need to do is make sure Noah grows up strong and happy because that will make me happy. Love you, Sapphire.” The car fell silent as both Carmen and Alicia looked at me like a chicken with its head cut off. “What?”

“You really loved him,” Alicia spat out.

“Yeah, I did...”  

***

The sleepover was just was just what I needed. It was funny and we even got to shoot the boys with the Nerf guns. They of course got us back for that by hiding our ice cream. I think though they learned that was a mistake when we hide their new game. Over all the night was full of laughter and no one mentioned Blake or Joshua to me. It was relief and like I said, exactly what I needed.

When everyone passed out I sat up on the couch and looked at everyone sprawled out and asleep at random places. Alicia was cuddled up to Johnny on the loveseat  and Carmen was laying next to Linx. Yet was cracked me up was that she had her hand on his face and he wasn’t even moving. Chuckling I laid down on the couch thinking that I had the best friends ... the more I laid there the more I started to get an empty feeling. This was the time of night Blake I would stay up and talk. My eyes watered up as I realized me and him were over. Curling up I cried silently, it didn’t feel right to not have him ... but I knew ... I knew this is how it had to be...