Tilly Taylor:
after a glass of wine or six me and Rosie crawled to her bed but before we did I forced her to drink some water as well as myself, we are currently cuddled under the blankets her leg being the only thing touching me as she knows I'm not the biggest fan of physical affection, she's a good friend who respects my boundaries.
" sooooo I have to ask are you going to date Harold now " she slurs a bit, I can only just make out her face in the darkness from the dimly lit fairy lights in the corner of her room, she's smiling at me I know she's hopeful after the texts today and I'm about to shatter all her hope.
" no Rosie I told you I don't date " I try keep it short and simple, texting Harry is fun and that's all it's going to remain as a bit of fun between us, I've had friends with benefits before but cut them off when they wanted more or started to get too attached to me, I wonder if Harry would be into it or not.
She lets out a loud groan turning on her back, " he's really nice tilda you know, not the typical guy who would hurt you, I like him, pumpkin likes him that means the two most important people in your life approve of him what's stopping you " I can hear the slight frustration in her voice, also her ganging up on me using herself and my cat makes me chuckle a bit.
" I just don't date it isn't for me I don't connect with people because I don't trust easily, I'm too scared of being hurt again " I confess, for the first time ever I'm opening up about my past to Rosie, I don't know if it's the wine or the fact we've been friends for just over a year now but I felt safe and comfortable enough in this moment to tell her.
" so you've had an ex who hurt you so bad you don't trust anymore? And you rule out dating all together " she questions and I hold my breath and bite my tongue for a moment thinking of how I could even fit all my trauma and problems into one simple sentence.
" I've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend " I say bluntly, ruling out relationships all together.
" then who...? Who hurt you so bad you don't believe in love Tilly, I can see that's one of the reasons you don't date I always thought someone shattered your heart so bad you gave up on it all together please don't tell me that's the truth " I can hear pity in her voice, her body inches closer to mine dying to comfort me the only way she knows how.
" my father broke my heart way before any man or women could, my- uh my parents had the most toxic soul shattering marriage. I heard other people saying how in love they were from the outside of course they didn't know what was really going on but on the inside behind close doors away from prying eyes, I promised myself as a little girl that if that was love was I didn't ever want it or need it "I take a moment to wipe away the tears that have been collecting in my eyes, Rosie waits patiently for me to continue.
" without going into too much detail me and my siblings were hurt a lot caught in the back fire of their violent relationship, but to the outside world they looked perfect the perfect happy suburban couple with the picket white fence, I have trust issues imbedded in me deeply because of it people aren't always what they seem " I let out a shaky breath, I turn my head to see Rosie has backed away slightly making me furrow my brows.
" that's why you don't let anyone in, that's why you don't like physical affection that's why you only hook up...because.." she stops herself but I know what she's about to say and I know it's right.
" continue " I press.
" you only hook up with people because you think your only worth that, a fuck something disposable to someone, you think your mind is too broken to share with anyone so you hide behind sex running off before they can see how damaged you think you are " I hear her sniffing slightly, I can't see her face but I know she's crying.
" bingo " is all I managed to choke out, I was never shown physically affection as a girl, when I wanted it from my parents I was screamed at, pushed or hit, it's hard for me to just naturally cuddle someone, but when I'm comfortable with them and let my walls down it can happen, I find myself reaching for Rosie pulling her into me needing to be held, needing a hug I should of had all those years ago as a scared little girl.
I think my emotionally drained mind finally let me sleep in the early hours because the next thing I'm waking up to is Rosie tapping my shoulder to try wake me, I roll over pulling the sheets over my head to shield my eyes from the sun that beams through the now opened curtains.
" wake up sleepy we have to start getting ready soon " she tugs the sheets away from my face with one hand the other hand is holding a freshly made cup of coffee, my mouth is just watering at the sight needing some kind of caffeine in my system right now.
I groggy sit up and gladly take the cup from her hand, I let the warm liquid hit my lips and bring me back to life slowly " what time is it? "
" it's 12.30 we slept in we have around 7 hours until doors open so we need to shower, get ready somehow get food and Harry has a car picking us up at 6.30 " I almost spit my coffee out as I didn't realise how little time we really had to fit everything in.
I down my coffee placing the mug on the bedside table, I throw the covers from my body and rush past Rosie into the bathroom in a panic I need to shave, exfoliate and moisturise my body before tonight after sending Harry those risky texts I'm hoping to get something tonight, even if it don't a girl can never be underprepared for a late night booty call.
Rosie follows me into the bathroom as I'm behind the shower curtain I can hear her laughing to herself inbetween brushing her teeth, " what's so funny " I pop my head round the shower curtain glaring at her.
" you're doing the works aren't you back there? I know dam well you won't want to be hidden in a crowd tonight and we won't be anyway " she shrugs rising her mouth and tooth brush.
I pop my head behind the curtain washing the soap from my body " what does that even mean " I sigh into the steam surrounding my body.
" it's means we are literally right in front of the stage, or to the side of the stage if we want. where family or close friends stand, if I would of told you this before you would of said no " I almost slip and fall at this news.
The whole time I would of been in Harry's direct line of vision and it was her plan all along, now I've got to make even more effort then I wanted too knowning no doubt he will see me the second he steps out onto stage, maybe he will run into me back stage the thought makes me swallow hard.
" fuck sake Rosie, you could of warned me "
" I'm warning you now, I'll go order us lunch and some wine to ease your nerves, girl don't worry no matter how you look, I know Harry is going to delighted to see you. I'm about to make his whole dam year by bringing you " I hear her walk away chuckling to herself, I can't help but shake my head at her.
After showering and eating we stand next to one another in matching his and hers bathrobes, I'm assuming this is her husbands who I've only ever met once, he's always out of town and by the looks of things Rosie referred it that way. Not to blab on my best friend but her marriage fell apart a long time ago way before she even met me, she just won't admit it instead she has strangers in her bed when she's not with me and she feels lonely only confessing it to me when the guilt becomes too much for her to handle.
Hey I love casual sex who am I to judge here? As long as she's happy I'm happy, we both try paint our faces to match our dresses, I decided to go with a red matte lipstick and a Smokey glitter eye to match the whole gig vibe, I'm not really sure how Harry's shows go, but I'm sure I'll find out soon enough.
I slide my dress up my legs the glitter fabric is slightly scratchy on the outside but on the inside it's super soft almost silk lined material, it hugs my natural curves well, taking one last look at herself i slips on the leather jacket huff and leaves the bathroom to find Rosie already ready.
" ready? "
" as I'll ever be I guess "
//
AN: it's the show next....
H
ČTEŠ
Enigmatic | HS
FanfikceTilly is a shy girl who's new to LA, she had a past that's made her afraid to love, that was until she bumps into curly haired green eyed British boy at a bar who starts to change her mind on things, after a steamy one night stand he does everything...
