Enigmatic | HS

16 | Tortured

Tilly Taylor:

It's been two weeks, two weeks since I last heard from Harry and everything that happened, I would say I haven't seen him but he's been everywhere I look from the news, to social media to magazines at my local grocery store.

Each time I see that dam dimpled smile I feel a pang of hurt and my chest goes tight, I regret freaking out and I fucking hate myself because I would of had a shot at least a decent friendship maybe even happiness but no my trauma had to ruin it, why can't I be normal?

I swear my brain is wired different I don't see love for what it is, it's not sunshine, stealing kisses and comfort in the form of a person. it's a storm, letting someone in so they have the tools to hurt you, it's cruel and can be cold.

I shake away the feeling as I'm running on the treadmill, I've been coming to work more often lately only because working out is my form of escape, half the time I'm not even with a client I'm just here for myself and that's what I'm doing this late Friday evening.

The gym is slowly filling up with people who have just finished work so I plug in my headphones and decide to drown them out, I've made sure to avoid his music too. Well where I can sometimes it will just come on the radio at work, shopping or in the car and I have no other choice but to listen to lyrics that were written about me.

How can you miss someone you didn't even want to be close to you in the first place?

I slow down my running to a brisk walk and take a sip of my water, water I almost spit out the second I see him. Harry he's here, he's currently picking up some weights across the room, he hasn't seen me yet.

I feel like I've  lost my ability to breathe, calm down Tilly it's fine, I'm about to turn off the treadmill and run into the staff room avoiding my warm down routine all together when I glance back over at him he's looking right at me.

His eyes are burning into me his expression shows nothing it's blank but mine only shows shock, I can't run away not now he will know it's because of him. So I continue my warm down glancing at him every so often, when I do leave I see a small smirk on his face that sends shivers down my entire body.

That's how it's been the past week I've been coming into work at the same time, and Harry is here he comes at the same time every day. throwing punches at the boxing bag or lifting weights. I'd be lying to myself if I said watching him every so often when I'm working with a client or doing my own work out hasn't been a pleasure.

And today is no different he's worked up quite the sweat throwing punches and kicks at the boxing bag, his tight grey T-shirt was ripped from his body when he made his way over to the weighs. I had to stop myself watching him but I couldn't help it, his body glistened in the over head fluorescent lights his muscles flexed each time he did a bicep curl, it was enchanting to watch.

Funnily enough I've noticed how I've been making myself look nicer for work, my usually scruffy bun and loose fitted gym clothes have now become a sleek pony tail and my best matching gym sets.

Today I was feeling extra feisty so I'm wearing short gym shorts and a matching red sports bra, the second I walked past Harry I caught him smiling out of the corner of my eye. But he still hasn't spoken a word to me, maybe that's why I've been ramping up my appearance lately trying to get some kind of response from him.

All he's been giving me is scolding looks that could kill and tiny devilish smirks, I haven't told Rosie about him coming here. Her sessions are in the morning and Harry comes here just before the gym closes late at night so they never cross paths.

She doesn't really mention anything about him anymore, not after my meltdown in the kitchen I think she's too scared it will happen again. Even though I told her it was just some kind of trauma response and it wasn't actually Harry's fault how was he to know that something as simple as raising your voice would get me so worked up?