Chapter 3 Fish Man

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I wake up from my sleep Grief forgotten in sleep, returns heavy in my chest. I sink onto the side of the bed, leaning elbows on knees, willing away the nightmare, trying to hear past the thlack-thlack of my pulse. I should be immune to it by now, waking up terrified in the dark.

It has been a year today since T'Challa's death, neither me or shuri has gotten better since his death. Shuri spends her days in the lab drowning herself in her work, never going outside or sleeping. I worry for her, as I am always dragging her out of the lab, for her to make her way back in, like a moth to a flame.

I'm always in the training room, venting my frustrations there or on Okoye when she's training. My mother restricted access to the training room after I became enraged and nearly murdered her. I've always known I had exceptional strength, but I never knew where it came from.

I have not allowed myself to cry since T'Challa's death which is unhealthy but I couldn't care at this point.

I make my way to her lab to see her working on some calculations I walk up to her carefully to not startle her I go to speak till Griot cuts me off "princess."

"Just a moment. Im in the middle of something" Shuri responds back while I sit in a chair watching the elevator to Shuri's lab make it's way down and our mother walking out. "I understand princess, however.."

Griot gets cut off by an irritated Shuri " you're disrupting my train of thought." I finally get annoyed and say " Shuri mother is here" she looks back swiftly "mother."

Griot speaks up "I tried to tell you that the queen is here."

After a few minutes, mother asks Shuri whether she has made any progress in reproducing the heart-shaped herb, and Shuri returns to her calculations, irritated.

"What can we help you with Mother?"

Their was a moment of silence before she speaks up "do you know what day it is my children?" She questions the both of us "Tuesday" Shuri responds with no hesitation and not lifting her head from her calculations " the date child."

"Brothers passing." Shuri says in sadness tears forming in her eyes but she doesn't dare let them fall.

"One year ago today" mother says with grief as she recalls that unfaithful day Shuri walks over to our mother and holds her hands.

"Have you planned anything?" I ask mother as they both look at me

"Yes it involves you two taking you mother for a drive" she says in a hopeful tone while looking at me and Shuri.

"And you both can leave your kimoyo beads here." Mother says while me and shuri scoffs "mother." She says with an unsure voice, "no, no you wont need them were we are going" She says sure of herself while mother holds her hand out to the them. Shuri gives her the kimono beads on her wrist and in her ears, then mother turns to me with her hand extended. I am uncertain to leave them here but she gives me a stern look which I comply with and hand her my kimoyo beads.

We drive to a clearing close to the thundering ocean waves, with distant elephant noses in front of us and a fire between us. We all sit in silence until mother speaks up. "You two need to sit here with me and with yourselves," she begins gently, before continuing, "it's the only way you'll recover."

"From the wound caused by T'Challa's death." She says solemnly until Shuri speaks up first "I'm fine mother, you don't have to worry about me, he's gone but I'm moving forward" When she says that, I scoff somewhat, knowing she's not moving ahead, merely burying it.

"T'Challa is dead that does not mean he is gone, when that illness took your brother from us, I had to lead a wounded nation and a broken world" she says as she looks at both of us then she continues telling us about her grieving " I wandered until I found water." She stops for a bit "And I sat, then I did this ritual, that I am about to show you now."

"I found your brother in the breeze, pushing me gently but firm." She continuous looking at us as she speaks "like his hand on my shoulder, it took time but he was there." she says the last bit quietly almost so you could miss it.

It was quiet for a few moments longer until Shuri murmured regretfully. "He wasn't there, mother; the presence you felt was a figment of your imagination, brought on so you might experience some comfort or joy." She says this while gazing her mother in the eyes.

"Shuri!" "This is her way of mourning, let her do it her way," I reprimand, and she looks down. "I'm sorry, mother," Shuri whispers almost softly.

"Tell me Y/n what construct does your mind create when you think of your brother?, does it offer you comfort or torment?" She questions I look her in the eyes and say "torment mother." I look down at my hands not looking at either of them, Shuri remains silent when hearing my answer but then finally speaks " what does it feel like to you?" She questions sadly.

"I already knew suffering like an old friend since baba's passing," I said, taking a trembling breath. I had to learn to put myself back together in order to be strong for you and mother. To apply glue into the fractures of my wounded skin and shattered heart and wait for it to dry. To recover. I understood what it was like to be fractured and broken; I was coming apart and was kept together by you and mum. This world would have been destroyed otherwise. I would have no regrets or guilt for people I murdered if we were at war." I say to them, looking up to see their surprised expressions.

A few minutes pass as mother and Shuri discuss burning their ceremonial garbs when something or someone arrives out of the water, he had wings on his ankles and ears that pointed to the sky, he got closer to us and we aimed our sticks at him as I stifled a chuckle about the sticks being a defence.

"Stop right there!" "who are you?" Mother shouts at the stranger. "And how did you get in?" The visitor dismisses her queries and instead adds, "this place is amazing." in an unfamiliar accent. "The air is pristine. And the water. My mother told stories of a place like this. A protected land with people that never have to leave. That never have to change who they were." He continues talking about how T'Challa shouldn't have told the world about vibranium and that it has compromised them.

Mother speaks up again with more authority this time " I am not a women who enjoys repeating herself. Who Are You?." He responds to her question this time by saying

" I have many names, my people call me K'uk'ulkan but my enemies call me Namor.

Namor continues to speak with my mother about locating a scientist from the United States and how Wakanda should assist in resolving the problem. He then lays a sea shell on the ground and says " when you have the scientist blow into this and throw it in the ocean I will be there shortly after wards. For your sake don't mention anything about me to anyone outside of Wakanda." and with that he dived back into he water and was gone.

"Did you see the wings on his ankles" Shuri say shakily and mother breaths shakily, until she bends down to pick up the sea shell we look around to find a giant machine behind us "mother how did he do that?" Shuri asks where as my eyes widen seeing a blue woman leave as quickly as I saw her with no sound from the water. "We must convene the council."

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