𝑌𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑂𝑛 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑂𝑤𝑛 𝐾𝑖𝑑

Say You Won't Let Go - XVIII

16th September

It felt as if the weekend came around in a flash, catching me by surprise when Alice reminded us all at breakfast this morning.

When she told us, I had groaned in response, to which I received a hard stare, as she continued to remind us that I would be spreading the ashes into a place where I felt whole, and where I spent some good times with my Father.

So, that was how I got into the position where I was breaking down because I realised that my Father was really gone. And I could do nothing to change that.

Most of the day, I had stayed in bed, trying to get the thoughts out of my head and tried zoning out, even though I was still continuously told not to because of my depersonalisation-derealisation disorder, as because of my pregnancy, I wasn't able to get any medication for it.

So here I was, crying in the bathroom, trying desperately not to destroy the room itself, while I heard Jameson pacing outside talking to Xander about how they could try and coax me out of here.

"Look, I know we need to try and get her out somehow Jamie, but let her grieve. If we need to delay this or change something so then Katie can grieve, we do that. She just lost her freaking Dad," I heard Xander say from the other side of the door before I heard Jameson's voice pipe up.

"Yeah, I get that, but I just want to know if she's okay, so could you somehow help me? You did it multiple times when I wasn't allowed near her because, you know, secret relationship!" I heard Jameson say before I heard him speak directly to me from the other side of the door, as I heard the bedroom door open and shut softly, with a small interval in between the two sounds "Kaitlyn, Alice just dropped off the urn. Do you to do this another day, or do you maybe just want everyone else further down the shoreline? I know you're hurting, but I'm worried," I heard Jameson say, so, I got up, opened the door, and turned to him.

"Could everyone move further down the shoreline?" I asked him as I took ahold of his hands, as Jameson slowly smiled at me.

"Yes my darling, we could," He said as I slowly smiled back, frowning quickly though as I thought over what he just said.

"You said 'we could'. I want you there with me to help, because I don't think I'd be able to survive down there without crying, because well, look at me now!" I say while Jameson wipes my tears as I hear the small click of my bedroom door, showing that Xander had left us in peace while we got ready.

I decided that since I would want to wade into the water to spread the ashes, I would pick a dress I didn't mind getting wet, but also wouldn't be a hassle to dry.

In the end, I picked a nice blue one, opting for nice layers of tulle thinking they would be easy to dry after.

I stuck the dress on, dumping my clothes on the floor around me as I did so, but after, when I looked over at Jameson after picking my clothes up, I saw he had a shirt on, but clearly hadn't started buttoning it up yet.

Or changing it for another. 

I didn't really care though as I just stared at his toned chest and abdomen.

I continued to do so until I heard something.

"Eh, Darling?" I heard Jameson say, and I snapped out of my trance, while still looking at his abs.

"Yes?" I asked right back at Jameson as I started to fold my clothes, forgetting that I was still staring at his abs.

"You do know it's rude to stare right? You do know my eyes are up here, " Jameson asked and that was when I look up at him properly, realising I had been caught in the act.