Chapter 32: Irreplaceable

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ALISTAIR 

I couldn't believe it. She was gone - just like that. I watched as the bright shadows consumed her. There was nothing I could do. So much for a holiday. Where did she go? How would I get her back? So many questions were racing through my mind. I had no choice but to tell... oh, Saints. Who knows what he'd do to me. I knew he harboured a soft spot for my sister as much as he tried to hide it.


I remember how he used to hold her, keep her close. No one was allowed to touch her as a child. Not even me. I knew why, and I completely understood. How could you not love her? But then he stopped. We all didn't understand why. He turned on his little girl so quickly. It had made no sense.


Until a Fjerdan ambassador had figured out his weakness. And had acted accordingly. I still remember the Tsar's face when he found Leksi - lifeless. Her little chest was still, no twinkle in her eyes, no giggles. She had been gone. My heart stopped at the sight. I don't think Mother ever knew. I couldn't imagine what was going through his mind. The great Tsar had been bested, defeated in the worst possible way. I had never seen him so jarred. So unhinged. He hadn't been in control. Dangerous territory, indeed. Of course, the assassin paid the price - sliced into a million pieces with the most gruesome cut I had ever seen. Over and over again. Even for the Darkling, this was dark... psychotic. He broke.


Once the damage was done, he made his way over to her. He took his little girl in his arms and held her limp body against him. And wept.


"I'm so sorry," he sobbed.


It was the first and only time I saw him cry.


"I'm so sorry little one, I failed you. I'm sorry, I'm..."


He was inconsolable. Unstoppable.

Until he stopped.

Suddenly he was in control again.


"Alistair, close the door," he barked.


Not knowing what was to come, I immediately carried out his order.


Once the door was closed, he placed his hand on Leksi's chest and closed his eyes, like in prayer. I watched as he began to whisper a chant to himself - I couldn't quite hear. I witnessed the black veins trace his neck, poisoning him. I hadn't understood what was happening at the time. The ultimate sacrifice. Merzost. It had been the first time I witnessed it. Magic. The something from nothing.


"Please," he whispered.


It was the only time I heard him beg. The only time I ever would.


"Please."


I heard a gasp. And then a laugh.


"Dada."


I couldn't comprehend what I had just seen.

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