(Guide Us to) A Million Stars

17🎇

After Tae abruptly left my apartment, I stood in my kitchen and looked around, jogging my memory on what could have triggered him. I noticed a small journal on the table. When I picked it up, it slipped out of my hands. It landed on the floor and opened to a page of writing. I read the first words.

"Blue and Grey"?

I tried texting Tae but he didn't respond. I put away the journal for now. That night I texted him the word "midnight" and a 😊, referring to their song "Zero O'Clock." Still nothing.

For three days, I didn't hear from him. Tae didn't text me or visit me. Whatever I said to make him upset, I didn't mean it. What a jerk! The reminder of his silent treatment was felt even more when I saw his skin care products in my bathroom and his clothes in my closet. I roamed the apartment complex and didn't see him or the other members. I couldn't sleep well the first two nights. I even tried wearing his FILA sweatshirt to bed, hoping his lingering scent on the comfy cotton would comfort me. Then the effects of deprivation hit me the third night causing me to oversleep and almost miss my morning English lesson. The pain of his silence coiled around me and reached into my stomach to settle down in a hard knot.

I found the words in Tae's notebook to be comforting and soothing in a strange way. "Where's my angel? I'm sick and tired of everything. I just want to end it now. Cause I can't take it anymore." I was reading the words again as I sat in my living room.

"Wow. Is Tae okay?" I said out loud. Was he writing this as a poem or a song? Should I even be reading this? I grabbed my guitar and sat on the edge of the couch. I played a chord and looked up at the ceiling. A melody came to me so I tried it.

After feeling content with that tune, I moved to the keyboard piano which was in the space between the kitchen table and the sliding glass doors of the balcony. A few weeks ago I was bored enough to start learning how to play thanks to some tutorial videos on YouTube. I liked how it was Tae's keyboard and I was playing something that hopefully I could show him later. Another experience we could share together. When I played his song, the melody worked on that instrument too.

Half an hour later I needed a creative break. I turned on the TV and found a K-pop music show. Tae had told me they were recording one, without an audience of course. I watched BTS answer the MC's questions about MOTS 7.

"Hello everyone! BTS is back for you!" Namjoon said with a smile.

"Thank you for your love and we miss seeing you!" Hobi said enthusiastically.

"We can feel you even if you're not here. Don't worry!" Jimin gave the camera finger hearts.

Then there was Tae. "Many people are worried these days due to the coronavirus. I hope we can all work together to overcome it." The tone of his voice was serious. I noticed Namjoon giving Tae a sideways look and poking him as if to say "lighten up." He even made the "smile more" gesture by showing his teeth.

Maybe it worked. At the end of the interview, Tae had the task of saying the signature sign off. "Don't miss it. Soon...Coming."

He messed up the outro and everyone laughed and clapped their hands. Even Tae. He corrected himself. "Coming soon!"

That's it. I have to find him!

***

I found myself in the elevator of the apartment complex staring at the panel of numbers. If only I knew which floor he lived on!

I pressed the button for the ground floor. Passengers got on and I rode the elevator to different floors, hoping to see any of the BTS members. Ascending and descending, my stomach turning each time, I realized this seemed like an extreme way to find my boyfriend. But I didn't know what else to do. If he wasn't going to come to me, then I would go to him.