(Guide Us to) A Million Stars

35

HYBE was obviously not happy with the incident that landed Tae in the hospital. Fortunately they were able to buy off some news outlets and kept the story private. Chan and Hari were immediately fired but not sued. The company wanted to deal with this as discretely as possible.

No matter how hard I tried, the hospital and the BTS managers wouldn't let me visit Tae one last time. I even asked Jimin and Jungkook for their help when I showed up at the dorm to gather my things. They said they would love to help but they had to abide by the company's rules.

The night before I left, Tae was finally able to do a video chat with me on the phone. He was lying in a hospital bed, propped up with pillows. There were dark circles under his eyes but he was still handsome with his fresh face and fluffy hair. A pang in my chest formed thinking how sorry I was that this had happened to him.

"Tae, I need you to know I tried everything to come see you one last time in person." He nodded and turned on his side trying to find a comfortable position as he held his phone up. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Thank you. And you?"

"I'm better now that I'm talking to you. But my plane leaves tomorrow so...I'm happy you called." I took in the view of Kim Taehyung, snuggled against his pillow looking at me with big puppy dog eyes. I would have done anything to get into that hospital room. "I wanted to say, one last time, thank you for an amazing time in Korea. Remember our wishes on top of Lotte Tower? I wished to have an amazing time here and you wanted #1 on Billboard. They both came true, huh?"

"Mmm," he said in agreement.

"I have to leave soon. I wish I could give you a big hug and kiss right now."

Tae winced in pain as he tried to move his arm. "Ah...that would actually hurt I think."

"Well, it hurts me too."

"Ah, my shoulder..."

I pouted. "I'm sorry you have to suffer like this. I guess if I were there my affection could be painful."

"I would miss your pain."

Tears welled up in the corner of my eyes. But I didn't fight them back. I wanted Tae to see how much this was affecting me. "Please know that I will never forget you. I'll be sad without you."

"Your sadness makes me feel better." He grinned, being unserious.

"I knew it would."

He held my gaze for a moment. It felt comfortable, like old friends who could just be silent, not having to say much in each other's presence. When he spoke, his voice was low and smooth. I would miss listening to him.

"Suni...I want to tell you something about the lyrics for 'Christmas Tree.' I wrote it thinking of you."

"Really?"

In his angelic voice, he sang, "'And I'll tell you a million little reasons

I'm falling for your eyes

I just want to be where you are

It's such a strange thing to do

Sometimes I don't understand you

But It always brings me back

To where you are..."

I stared at Tae in the screen. He gave me a goofy, toothy smile while raising his eyebrows. It was cute. And I really wanted to believe Tae wrote those words for me. But I couldn't. Something about that moment was holding me back. I put the phone down for a second. Perhaps it was a way to defend myself from those sentiments that didn't seem real. If he was really "falling for me" and "wanted to be where I am" then wouldn't he have fought for me? If it always brings him back to "where I am" then why didn't he try harder to reason with his parents and negotiate our relationship? Was I not worth it?