Need - Jude Bellingham

6

I walked around aimlessly, reaching the reception and going out the main entrance, my path now only being lit up by the occasional lamppost. I looked back at the building, finding the window of my room and feeling tempted to have a smoke. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that to Kayo. And I'm trying to get better for myself.

Instead, I tried to remember the way to the basketball court I was in earlier and made it there successfully. I grabbed a ball of the portable rack that had been placed in the corner by the gate.

I smiled, bouncing it a couple times and going up the right side of the hoop for a lay up. I practice some crosses before taking a few steps back, not far from the three point line and shooting, grinning when I heard the ball drop through the chains.

I continued to play for another twenty minutes, towards the end I was just messing about trying to get stupid shots in. I stood by the half way line, launching it as far as I could. It hit the backboard, bouncing straight back at me. I caught it, doing it a second time. It hit the rim, making me groan as I ran to get it.

"Third time lucky," Jude was stood by the gate, hands in his pockets and a nervous look on his face.
I stood back at the halfway line, tempted to just launch the ball at his face but I kept it cool.

I ignored him, lobbing the ball again. I heard the sound of the chains and saw his eyebrows perk up.
"Did it go in?" I asked, not sure whether it skimmed the bottom or not.
"It went in," he confirmed.
But now I was annoyed that he ruined the atmosphere. If I was by myself I would be jumping up and down and making my way inside.

I let out a breath, seeing it in the cold air in front of me, "What do you want Jude?"
"To talk," he grabbed the basketball from the floor beneath the hoop and placed it on the rack again.
"What's there to talk about?" I folded my arms.
He rubbed his forehead, closing his eyes for a second, "Can you just hear me out alright? I don't care what do you in your own time, obviously I'd prefer it weren't drugs but that ain't nothing to do with me. When I realised you were doing it here and I was in the same room only minutes after you'd been smoking it, it just freaked me out. What if coach found out and thought I did it too because I was in there afterwards? What if we got closer and you tried to get me to do it with you? What if-"

"I would never make any of my friends do it with me, or anyone in general. I'm not a social smoker mate, I do it by myself because I need it when I feel-"
"I get that now," he interrupted me, "But I just panicked. That's why I said I needed to think about it. But the more I did, the more angry I got. When I spoke about Tiyrah and you thought she felt guilty because she made me choose between her and football, I thought that was mad. Like you understood that it was crazy and you would feel bad for that. It just made me realise that you're good, like if you get a baller boyfriend they're gonna be lucky for real. But then you said you smoked it here and I just thought you must not care. You must not be good because you're putting your brothers career at risk, potentially mine as well by inviting me in afterwards. I just freaked. But I'm over it, it is what it is."

I let everything sink in for a second before responding, "I get where you're coming from and me and Kayo have already spoke about it. I'll be real I didn't even think that it would affect you but you had a point about if someone caught you coming in or out my room so I'm sorry about that. I didn't invite you in because I wanted your whole career to end-"

He nodded, "I'm not saying you did. I'm just saying you didn't think about it all properly."
"Yeah I know I didn't and I'm not planning on doing any of that shit again, at least not while I'm here."
A smile tugged at the corner of his lips, "That's good."

"Okay but now it's my turn to say what I'm angry about," I said, watching as he swallowed nervously, "You said all this shit, practically begging me to tell you what was wrong and why everyone kept saying stuff about me that you didn't understand and so I told you. You're the first person I've actually sat down and talked about it with properly which was obviously a stupid idea seeing as we've known each other a day but I kept forgetting that. I opened up to you and you just got up and left."