Sigillum ex Fatum [UNDER EDITING]

Chapter 2

I don't remember much about when I was a mortal. It's all very confusing, blurry and fuzzy. The only memory I feel truly confident in is that of my death. I remember a sword being pointed at me. I had a, "Oh shit" moment, knowing I was about to die and it was going to hurt a lot (although, I think my exact thought was, "Oh balls!". Well, it would have been, "Oh testicles!" in Latin, but that doesn't sound the same when converting it to modern English). I remember the fear. Yes... I remember the fear.

I have this very clear image in my brain then. I'm on my knees, sitting on the backs of my legs. I couldn't tell you where I was, nor what I was wearing (if anything at all). All I could tell you is that it was bright—brilliant and scorching. I know what it was now, and I know where I was now, but for the sake of this story and continuity I will say that I hadn't the faintest clue what was happening. One minute I was about to be beheaded (I mean, I could only hope it would be done in one swing, not having to go through having it chopped repeatedly), and the next I was in a warm room that was so warm it was almost uncomfortable, but it felt like home.

A finger was pressed to my forehead, and I distinctly remember my mouth forming a small 'o'. I say this because when the finger touched me, it was sublime. There really are few words to describe it; intoxicating, ecstatic, addicting, comforting, perfect. The closest thing to it physically would be an orgasm, but this is a shuddering of my very soul. And I felt like if the finger ever stopped touching me, I would die. I was certain.

Then, a voice spoke to me. It wasn't just a voice, male nor female, but both at once; thousands of voices speaking to me inside my head, wrapping around me. It should have been terrifying, but instead I felt like I was a small child and had just fallen into the loving arms of my mother.

You are destined for great things, the voice of the many told me.

I didn't know what it meant, and at that instant I didn't care. All I knew right then was one thing, and one thing only; one thought, one feeling consumed me:

Happiness.

From there I remember being laid out in a bed. I remember lying in wonder, contemplating how I had gotten here, on this bed, horizontal. My sluggish brain tried to parse out why, exactly, my back felt weird. And even as I wondered all this in my head, not using my lips to speak, another voice was chuckling and telling me that it was okay I didn't remember, that I was going through a final refractory period, and that everything would settle soon enough. I didn't understand the context of "refractory period", especially when I looked down and found myself fully clothed in a white toga with a golden rope around my waist as a belt, comfortable brown thongs on my feet (mind you, none of which I had previously owned or had in my possession at any point). My confusion furthered when there wasn't a woman in bed with me. In fact, when I looked over I was startled to find the source of the voice was a man.

I immediately fell in love. Now, while fleeting feelings of what might be considered a crush of some sort would pass my mind from time to time, this love I felt wasn't homosexual in nature. It was, but it wasn't all at once. Remember the duality of Existence and Nothing? My love for this being before me was that. It wasn't sexual because it went beyond the sexual. It wasn't romantic because it was beyond romanticism. It was an instant, sudden, deeply profound love, one of kinship, of lovers, of brothers. I absolutely adored him all at once. I wanted him around me always, fully—truthfully, I wanted to be him. I knew right then and there I would emulate this person for the rest of my days. The level of devotion I felt was unlike any other I had ever felt towards anyone, myself included. I was immediately reduced to a selfless puddle of goop.

I think on some level he must have understood my feelings, if not actually heard them (for angels can communicate non-verbally), because he looked very, very amused.