Sigillum ex Fatum [UNDER EDITING]

Chapter 44

Being in Heaven became painful for me. So, I decided to spend as little time as possible there as I could manage. I spent a majority of my time on The Surface, watching people. Never interacting, just watching.

It is part of an angel's DNA to love humanity, to protect them. If you look at Fallen, very rarely does their Fall have anything to do with humans. In fact, the only one I know who Fell that way was Lucifer, and it is my understanding he came to loathe humans after he Fell. No, most angels Fall due to corruption, a newfound loyalty and sympathy to Lucifer. Heaven isn't perfect; angels have Fallen over politics, different factions of ideology butting heads. So while yes, God is the end all be all, that's not to say is angels aren't prone to philosophical debates long into the night.

I was sick of everything so I spent a lot of time studying what made humans so special. It took me but days to absolutely fall completely and hopelessly in love with all of humanity. I viewed them as innocent children, something to be cherished, something to protect. Yes, they could be infuriating at times, with their pointless squabbles, their wars, and their general distaste for understanding one another. In fact, their judgemental attitude towards each other was a bit repulsive. Yet as I said, we have our own problems in Heaven, so who am I to judge?

I think one of the most amazing things about humans is their souls. They're not as cut and dry as an angel's. Some souls are brighter than others—and that isn't to say the strength of soul is a gauge of moral compass, because it's not. Some of the most evil people in history had the purest souls. I also took note that some of the brightest souls were also the least happy, and I spent a good chunk of time trying to decipher why that is.

I was unable to come to an answer. I have my theories, but nothing concrete. I also was hard pressed to find any other angel in all of Heaven who had devoted so much time to observing humans. Most just fritter about their days, fulfilling their duties, being loyal to God and knowing that through that loyalty humans will thrive. Even the guardian angels; they spend their days assigned to one single mortal, and their devotion lies with them only.

Truthfully after a point I became frustrated that I seemed to be the only angel that actually gave a damn about humans in a non-abstract way, so I stopped going to The Surface as often. I threw myself headlong into work after that. I partially felt it was an obligation; no one else stepped up during the continued absence of God. It was also an obvious escape.

I tracked down the angel who had comforted me the day that Mikha'el died. I found out her name was Rosalyn. She was a top ranking scholar, so I utilized her help often as possible. After a point I realized how absolutely brilliant she was in her own right, and having her help me with work was no longer a lame excuse for me to spend time with her.

I also kept up with my social life. Malael and Zera still stop by for dinner at least once a week. I try and insist I'm too busy, but they strong arm me into it.

"It's unhealthy for you to sit at your desk for days on end," Malael reminds me often. Or, if she's feeling particularly pushy, "Zera misses you."

That one gets me every time. And she knows it.

I spend not nearly enough time with Auriel as I should. Truthfully it is still painful for me, because sometimes when I look at him all I can see is my long lost ward. It's not fair to him, but then again life isn't fair.

Rarely do I see Metatron, and I have no need to interact with Gabriel. I think, at least with the latter, it digs up too many memories and soft spots that are still tender for him to see me. Occasionally I will pass him on the street, and we will nod at one another, but that is really the extent of my interaction with Gabriel at this point.