KOTLC After Stellarlune-A Sokeefe Story

Panic

"Now..." Sophie shrugged helplessly. Panic was gnawing at her insides, making her queasy. She couldn't even fully explain to herself why she felt this panicked.

"Sophie, look at me." Keefe grabbed her face in his hands. "Sophie." Finally, she looked at him. "I hate this panic I'm feeling from you," he whispered. "I promise, it's not worth it. She's not worth it. Are you afraid she'll hurt you somehow? I promise, this isn't like that nightmare you had."

"I know it isn't. But..."

Sophie tried to pull herself together. Gisela wasn't what she was worried about. She knew she and Fitz could handle a weaponless Gisela.

What she feared was Keefe.

Eventually, he would resent her for this.

This was going to ruin everything.

It was already breaking the blissful bubble they'd been living in since the wedding.

Seeing someone broken was hard. Especially if it's someone you care about, even if you say you don't.

Especially if someone else you care about is the one who broke them.

But...Sophie knew Keefe loved her.

Surely that was enough.

He had stood by her side even when no one else did.

Surely she could trust him to stay by her side now.

So she shook her head, took a deep breath and gave Keefe a small smile. "I'm just...freaked out. This will be hard for you, which will be hard for me. I think I'm not being very rational right now."

"It's hard to be rational about something like this." Keefe leaned down to kiss her, moving his hands from her face so he could wrap them around her waist and hold her close. "Can you show me your discussion? Share the memory with me? I want to know exactly what all was said."

So Sophie placed her hands on his temples and her photographic memory perfectly replayed the conversation she and Fitz had with Tiergan and Leto, as well as their telepathic discussion.

When it was done, Keefe smiled. "I definitely need to thank Fitz for looking after you in there."

Sophie nodded. "Yes, he really did. Not just me, but you too."

"I'm glad to know my two favorite people care as much about me as I do about them. Not that I'm at all surprised, but those reminders are nice, especially with the upbringing I had."

"Speaking of upbringing...what do you think about what Oralie said? About your dad?"

"I'm not sure I even want to try to make sense of that right now," Keefe admitted. "Even though I know you clearly need a distraction from your own feelings."

Sophie tried to hide it, but shuddered.

Keefe squeezed her waist gently. "I know there's a lot to discuss, and a lot to think about, but maybe we should just sleep on it, like you said. You know you'll be telling them, tomorrow, that you'll cooperate. The rest can be figured out after that. Let's just spend the rest of today not thinking about such heavy things."

And so they discussed how the rest of the day had gone. Their other sessions. What they thought of the more rigorous work they would have ahead of them that year. Then they curled up on the couch and tried to watch another movie, though later Sophie couldn't even remember what they had put on.

She didn't think Keefe was paying much attention either.

Sophie still had dread gnawing at the pit of her stomach, but she tried to push it down.

Keefe loved her. He wouldn't blame her.

Even if it felt like maybe he would. Fitz blamed her when Alden broke. She struggled to forgive Dex when he made that ability restrictor.

But Keefe was different.

She knew he could still feel that she was upset, but he didn't bring it up. What he did do was constantly hug her, or kiss her forehead, or whisper "I love you", or stroke her cheek with a sweet (but slightly sad) smile. And even when he wasn't doing those things, he would keep a hand gently placed on her knee, or on the small of her back, or wrapped around her own hand.

He also insisted she eat dinner, even though he could feel just how queasy she was.

And she was so grateful. Grateful for this amazing guy who was making consistent efforts to impart his strength to her even though she knew he must also be struggling.

Looking out for her first and foremost, despite the fact that she was the one who should've been comforting him.

He was amazing, and kind, and strong, and selfless. And she was grateful.

But still, things felt different now.

Reality had come crashing into Aeternum. Welcome back to real life, Sophie told herself bitterly.

That night, they climbed into bed earlier than usual. For the first time, neither of them suggested intimacy. She had a sneaking suspicion that he was refraining because of her mood. She wasn't sure if that was helpful or not, but also didn't choose to initiate things herself.

But neither of them wanted distance, either. So they just laid there, very close, facing each other, wordlessly looking at each other for a long time before whispering "good night" and "I love you".

They fell asleep holding hands.

But that's when the nightmare came.

A broken Gisela with no worthwhile information to show for it. A desperate plea from Keefe to heal her broken mind and give her another chance to change. A Council that wouldn't allow it. The bitter, angry boy Keefe used to work so hard to conceal--who had finally been healed--was back. And this time, the anger and bitterness was reserved for Sophie and Fitz. The betrayal evident on his face.

Keefe saying things to her that he would surely never actually say outside of a nightmare. That he regretted every moment they'd spent together. Every touch, every kiss. Every time they'd made love, all of it was meaningless now. That she and Fitz deserved each other, but that he was done with them both.

Keefe telling her he no longer loved her. That he never wanted to see her again.

Keefe leaving her.

Completely nonsensical, but so vivid it felt it must be true. Her whole world and the future she had envisioned with Keefe all came crashing down, lost forever.