KOTLC After Stellarlune-A Sokeefe Story

Worries

"I don't really know," Sophie said quietly. "It just still worries me sometimes, that's all."

Keefe held her hand a little tighter. "The thought of having a baby?"

Sophie nodded. "The thought of what abilities we might pass on to our children. Between the Black Swan giving me all these abilities—and making the Telepathy crazy strong—and your mom giving you your crazy strong new abilities—it's scary to think what could happen."

Keefe paled slightly. "Are you..." he cleared his throat. His eyes closed for a moment. "Are you changing your mind about having kids?"

Sophie shook her head vehemently. "No, I can't bear the thought of not having kids. I want that."

Relief flooded through Keefe's features. "Me too," he whispered.

"But then...I can't shake the worry about what abilities our children will manifest."

"I know. I worry about that too. But...Forkle told us that he didn't think your altered genes would negatively affect our kids. That it wouldn't work any differently than it already tends to do for a lot of families, like how Fitz is a really powerful Telepath like Alden, or how I'm a powerful Empath like my dad."

"Yeah, I guess that's true." Sophie hesitated. "Mr. Forkle seemed less certain about whether or not our kids—or grandkids—or other descendants—might manifest those abilities your mom gave you."

Keefe shuddered and sat down on the edge of the bed, looking suddenly much older. Sophie sat down next to him and he immediately put an arm around her waist.

"I know. That really worries me too. Sometimes I've wondered if I shouldn't risk passing this on, but...like you said, I can't bear the thought of not having kids. And that's just not something I'm willing to let my mom take from me. From you. Sometimes I think, I can't wait to have a baby. But then that baby will grow up and what if they manifest one—or more—of my abilities? It's such a heavy burden for our children to bear."

"But you've worked so hard and gotten good control," Sophie reminded him gently, placing a hand on his knee. "And it's a huge help that Elysian enabled you to switch off the abilities like I can do with my enhancing."

"I know, that helps a lot. But I still have a responsibility to train, so if I ever use it—forced or otherwise—I have control. And again...it's a big burden to pass on. Even though I only switch them on when I have to, in my sessions." He smiled at Sophie. "But I refuse to let that hypothetical that they *might* manifest these abilities stop me. Whatever comes will come. If any of our kids manifest one of those abilities, we'll have to do the best we can."

The talk was definitely helping. They had been through this before, seeking advice from Mr. Forkle—and even from Terik, since he too had a completely unique ability—early in their relationship. They knew they'd be better off knowing right away whether or not children would be advisable.

"I think it'll be easier for them," Sophie said. "You've had to figure this out on your own. The weird combination of training you've gotten from Grady and Councillor Noland, the talks with Councillor Terik about being the only one with an ability—they've helped a lot. But our kids will have something better. They'll have you. You'll have already walked the path before them. Plus...they would get their abilities by manifesting them the normal way. Maybe the abilities won't seem so bad when they weren't forced on them by a deeply traumatic event."

Keefe shuddered again. "That was one of the most horrible...I wasn't sure I was going to make it through. If you hadn't kept our minds connected, I'm not sure I'd have made it. I just knew I had to come back for you." He pulled Sophie closer and kissed her. "It'll break my heart of one of them manifests these abilities. They're not natural. We weren't meant to have them. Our kids manifesting them would just be an eternal reminder of what my mom did to me. Bad enough that she did it to me, but if I then pass it on to my kids..."

"Then they'll never know any different. New abilities do happen occasionally, right?"

"Not very often at all, but technically that is true."

"Either way, we'll be here to support them through it." Sophie thought for a moment. "Were you thinking I was going to tell you I didn't want any kids after all?"

Keefe nodded. "I'd have understood your reasoning," he answered. "But I also would have begged you to let me revisit the topic in the future."

Sophie smiled. "I didn't mean to scare you," she told him. "Biana's question just caught me off guard today and it got me thinking about all of this all over again."

"I know what you mean," Keefe told her. "But I'm really glad we're on the same page. I just wish we didn't have to worry so much about something that should only ever be something exciting."

Sophie leaned her head on Keefe's shoulder. "You amaze me."

Keefe chuckled softly, tightening his grip on her waist. "I can feel that," he teased. "Though I'm not sure exactly what caused that particular round of affection and flutters."

"You had this terrible upbringing with awful parents, and a lot of people don't want to have kids when that happens. Or have trouble committing to a relationship in the first place if their parents don't have a good marriage.  Or they end up repeating the cycle. Your parents set a terrible example, but somehow, you have loved me for years and have been so good and kind to me. And loyal to our friends. And you want to have kids. You may not see how amazing that is since most elves don't deal with the stuff you've had to deal with, but it's more common in the human world and it can really mess people up."

"Oh, I think it did mess me up," Keefe admitted. "I've always told you I had a bit of a dark side. And my thirst to prove myself and to feel worthy of my friends drove all of my worst decisions. But...Alden and Della were a huge part of why I turned out okay. When I started hanging out more with Fitz, I saw how they interacted--with each other and with their kids. And I could read the love between them, all of them. They're also why I want more than one kid. I always wished I had siblings, but at the same time, was grateful I didn't have a little brother or sister that had to go through what I was going through. It's probably why Alvar was my hero for so long," he said, bitterness creeping into his features. "He felt like the big brother I didn't have. Fitz was always more than just my best friend, he was more like a brother in a lot of ways."

"And maybe why you never saw Biana the way she used to see you? Because she felt like a sister?"

"Maybe," Keefe conceded. "But also, I just knew she wasn't who I was meant to be with. Even before you came to the Lost Cities, something in me was waiting for you."

Sophie's heart swelled, and she lifted her head to look Keefe in the eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too," he whispered. Then he smirked. "Wanna talk more about making babies?"

Sophie laughed. "I really shouldn't get pregnant yet."

"No, but maybe this time next year. You'd finish your last semester of school and still have a few months before the baby was born."

A deep longing came over Sophie at the prospect. She remembered hearing her human mom talk about having what she called "baby fever"--the overwhelming (and often hormonal) desire to have a baby. Sophie was starting to understand what she meant.

"That's definitely worth considering," she said aloud.

Keefe's smile turned incredibly sweet as he leaned in and kissed her once again.