His yellow obsession (You do, I don't)

Chapter 34: Freedom

(Song: Used to this by Camila Cabello)

"Stop! Bella!"
"Go faster!"
"No!"

I hit the brakes, causing all of us to almost fly forward – but at least we didn't hit the pulp in front of us.

"Oopsies.." I smile, turning around slowly to look at the horrified faces around me. Everyone except Luca are checking themselves to make sure there's no body parts missing. "You guys are so overdramatic."

Bruno shakes his head, "You're a terrible driver! Even my grandma Nancy is better!"
Amalie chuckles, "You don't have a grandma named Nancy."
"Exactly!"

I turn around to Amalie, expecting some type of back up but instead she only gives me a sorry look.

"Traitor." I say,
"I'm sorry love, I'm sure you'll get better... eventually."
"Yeah by the someone will have lost an arm and a leg.." Bruno mutters, earning a small push from Amalie.

Luca looks at me with a smirk,
"Don't listen to these pussies, I think you're driving perfectly fine – learned from the best."
Luca decided that he wanted to be the one to teach me so we fired my driving instructor.. I personally think he's been doing a terrific job, the others though.. not so much.

"You guys suck, except Luca." I say, throwing a smile to Luca – "Now get out of my car."
Saying my car, still felt weird, the good type of weird though. The type of weird I wanted to get used to.

"Don't have to ask me twice!" Bruno says, practically jumping out of the car.
Amalie shakes her head, "Don't forget dinner at ours!"
Luca follows shortly, leaving the back seats empty.

I turn around and look at the passenger seat, it's a bittersweet feeling really. I thought I would get used to this feeling, I never do though. The feeling of fear mixed with hope, paranoia and peace at the same time.

"You've been awfully quiet." I say, starting the car again. "Silence is sometimes worse than committing the crime."

He looks at me, the same look he's given me since the day we met. The look I never knew was the reason behind this ticklish feeling in my stomach. The look that made me realize that you could say I love you by using your eyes and not your words.

"Saying you suck at driving isn't committing a crime, it's the truth."
"Hey!" I squeal, "You're my husband – you're supposed to have my back."
"I do baby, if anyone else asks I'll tell them you're the best driver on these streets.. even if you nearly killed a squirrel yesterday and cried for twenty minutes straight."

I laugh, I really did cry for a long time. It was a damn squirrel! Who wouldn't cry!

When I've reached our spot, I park the car. Even though I love driving and want to drive all the time – I love looking, and talking to him more. I look at the bridge in front of us, it's getting darker so the lights on the bridge are turned on, no matter how many times I've seen it – I'm always in awe.

"I'll never get tired of this view." I say in awe.
"Neither will I."

Already knowing he's staring at me, I smile before turning around and looking at him. Our eyes connect, and even though I've gotten to know these green eyes more than any other -  I still feel like it's the first time I'm looking into them every single time.

"Say it." He says, "I want to hear it again."
I roll my eyes, immediately knowing what he wants to hear.
"You're such a child!"

He gives me his best shot at puppy eyes, and I shake my head – laughing at his attempts at hearing something he's been hearing again and again for months.

I unbuckle my seat and move over to him, so we're sitting face to face. I run my hand through his light brown hair, usually he always has some gel in it – or has it styled to look neat. Right now it's messy, yet it's the most perfect I've seen it. I let my other touch his cheek softly, I touch every inch of his face – admiring, and appreciating the fact that he's here right now. My hand runs down until I reach his arm, dragging up his sleeve and touching the barely visible scar.

Leaving his hair, I use my other hand to run down his chest and all the way down to the middle of his stomach – feeling the stitches. I let out a deep breath, knowing that no matter how many times i've done this, the emotions I feel never go away.

Fear, sadness, anger and regret.

I already knew that I wanted to be with him when I left. I wanted to go back because I realized that there was something dragging me towards him and I couldn't keep running away from it anymore. I knew we had something that could be good, but right then it was all just hope and dreams. Right then I still didn't know if I was completely sure, I still wasn't sure what love was.

I didn't realize until he was laying in my lap, bleeding to death. I didn't realize what love was until he was in my arms and everything around us disappeared. There were no one except us. The thought of losing him, of seeing him go made me realize how much I needed him. It made me realize how love was a feeling you couldn't describe, you couldn't search it up or try to feel – it was something completely different, something scary yet so fulfilling. It was falling off a cliff but also taking your first fresh breath of air.

Seeing Pablo close his eyes in the car made me see a world I didn't know we had built together collapse. My eyes were open, my sight was perfect but I hadn't been able to really see until then. And after I really opened my eyes, I was never able to close them again.

Pablo never broke his promises, not a single one. He promised to love me, and he did. He promised to put me first, he did. He promised me through health and sickness, he stayed true to it. He promised me that I would live, really live and I did.

The most important promise though, was putting up a fight. I needed that promise more than any other one, I needed him to fight – to win. He did, just like all his other I do's he fulfilled this one.

Pablo fought, he lived and I got to tell him every single word on my chest. I made sure to use every day to do so. I didn't want to regret anything ever again in my life. I made sure of it.

When Pablo got out we went back to our home, we started building together. We still are. The first thing Pablo made sure of was that Adrien got what he deserved, and I cut off my family. The man who I thought was my father was nothing but a coward, I had put up with so much in hope of eventually growing into this beautiful family but that would never happen because we weren't a family to begin with. Forgiving my mother was the hardest, but I couldn't blame her ... she was like me. She was young once, she made mistakes but sadly she never got to escape the cycle. Instead she became a part of it.

I wouldn't take anything back though, because everything lead to this moment. I was in the yellowest car I've ever seen, looking at the man I love and exploring life with him. I would do it all over again if I had to.

I was still not sure who Bella was. Who I wanted to be. Who I was going to become. Is anyone though? Does anyone know who they really are? Are we one person at all times? I learned that the answer is no. You're going to find yourself and lose yourself a thousand times through life. You're going to hate and love yourself. You're going to be constantly evolving, and you don't have to do that alone – you just have to find the person who's going to love you through all of it.

There was one thing I was sure about though, the thing I was more sure about than anything.

"I love you, Pablo."
"Do you promise to love me forever?" He smiles, yet there's a look of sincerity and curiosity behind his eyes.
"I do."

Freedom can come in different forms. It can come in the shape of running away. It can come in being alone. It can come in the shape of traveling the world. Freedom can come through stability – mentally and physically. Most of the time, it comes in the form of being loved, and being able to love.

Sometimes though, freedom comes in another shape.

Freedom can come in turning "I don't" to "I do."

                                 THE END.

//
Epilogue coming soon🥹