I think you accidentally saved my life.

28 ▪︎ real

~billie~

"what was up?" i asked while we were sat at the table.
she shook her head, not making contact.
"come on, you can tell me"
"i don't know" gabriella replied.
"do you have a better answer?"
"no, i genuinely don't know" she said bitterly, resting her head in her arms on the table.
"can you explain?" i question, not wanting to push but also worried.
"i feel weird. like not sad, not happy, not anything."
"why's that?"
"i dont fucking know" she muttered, and got up and walked to my room.

oh... did i say something wrong? maybe now wasnt the right time to talk.
i finish my food and put hers in a container and pop it in the fridge. hopefully she'll have some later.

~gabriella~

i didn't mean to act out like that, i dont mean to hurt billie. i just don't know whats going on right now. i feel wrong, it feels as if i'm watching myself from someone else's point of view. im scared. what if i'm going insane?

i once heard somewhere that your brain does things to protect you. i didn't really read into it though. dumb. i know talking about your feelings is helpful and all but in reality it just makes it more real.

i think when billie asked "why" i felt like i did it made me scared because i was always asked why i felt like i felt by my parents and then they'd dismiss it. and i really don't want that to happen, although ibdon't think billie would do that. but you never know, people can change in the blink of an eye.

making my spiralling thoughts subside, the devil herself comes into the room.

"you alright now?" billie asks me.
no, i am not. "yeah sorry. im fine don't worry" i reply, not looking at her.
she stays silent for a minute but then speaks up again. "did you want some food or..?"
"no thanks. i'm not hungry" i reply, not making eye contact still.
"okay. you wanna watch a movie or something?" she asks, sitting on my bed.
"erm yeah sure" i reply half smiling.

i lay back into my bed and switch to netflix on the tv. i decide on 'spirit'. it makes both me and billie cry usually, but its such a good movie otherwise.

A/n: helloo!! i'm alive don't worry.
sorry for abandoning you for a month, i kinda forgot i have a story to write

i cant really remember my intention for this story and at this point gabriella is relapsing whenever i fall back into a relapse sooo i need to work on that haha.

but if you're reading this youre a gem, i love you <3