She's In Love With A Geek

Chapter 46 - Okay

COURTNEY'S POV

You know what's the hardest part about this decision?

It's knowing that whatever I choose, I'm going to regret it. I'll miss out on something that would have been the best thing to happen to me if only I had taken the other route.

But what is the other route? Even with that, there's no guarantee it is for the best. That nothing will bad will happen.

I just have to choose what I think is right and hope for the best.

What is best about this anyway?

I had to pretend I didn't want to be near the person I care about. Act as if nothing is wrong, as if I didn't want to be near him, as if I had no feelings for him. Yet, deep down, it's killing me.

My heart feels like it is breaking into a million pieces.

But even though it hurts me to do this. Even though it's so hard to keep up this act. I must put on a brave face and protect him, no matter how much it might hurt me in the process.

I wonder, would it be easier if I hadn't confessed to him? Would it be easier if I didn't know how he felt about me? Would it have been better if Troy had come earlier?

I guess I'll never know the answer. All I can do is accept the way things are and carry on the act.

"You might think that I will believe every hurtful word that you say, but I can assure you that I won't."

Chad's tone was firm, his face was serious.

I could feel my heart racing at the sight of him. I was so moved by how he was so sure that I was only lying to him, that this was just an act. Despite all my efforts to convince him, he wouldn't budge.

Chad could see right through me.

It made me feel so exposed, so vulnerable, I couldn't look. I knew he was onto me and I couldn't bear to see the determination in his eyes.

I had to look away and pretend I didn't care. I could feel his gaze on me, but I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes. I knew that if I did, I wouldn't be able to hide my feelings.

It made me wonder why I was resisting, why I kept on doing this lie and act? Chad would definitely understand me, right? If I told him what was going on, he'd get it. I am sure he would be able to come up with some ideas on how we can resolve this issue.

In the cafeteria, watching him from a distance was painful. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't avoid looking at him, even secretly. I could see the look in his eyes. He was shocked to see me there and I could tell he was trying to process why I was with Troy. I could see the confusion and pain on his face and my heart sank.

And to make matters worse, Troy was extremely clingy at that time. He showed me around like his trophy—his possession.

And I hate it.

The girls saw me, too. And they weren't happy. They kept messaging me asking why I was with Troy, what really happened. I couldn't explain myself. I had no idea where to start. They kept pressing me for an answer, but I just couldn't bring myself to give them one.

They wouldn't talk to me unless I got my act together.

They know me too well.

Was my decision stupid?

Is this selflessness or selfishness?

I recalculated my thoughts.

What could possibly go wrong if I came clean? If I told them everything? I knew it was a risk. I had to tell them the truth, even if it meant I could lose everything. But then, what Troy said awhile ago kept pushing me back to my original plan.