𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐄𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐥 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐊𝐚𝐮𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐳

New Person, same old mistakes

the moment I stepped out of court, I had no emotions. The Moment I got in my car, no emotions. The moment I opened the door to Bill and I's home, sitting my back down on the coffee table and placing myself in our cloud sofa, everything came crashing down, but I wasn't thinking about Emily.

My thoughts were on Bill.

I had gotten myself so used to him always being around and now that he wasn't there suddenly there was no soul in the home, no laughter, I missed him.

I gazed around the room, taking in the memories that seemed to surround me. the big white wall empty, I dream of hanging family photos in the future there, family photos of Bill and I.. the cozy throw blanket draped over the back of the sofa, the half-empty coffee cup on the table - all relics of a life that had suddenly been disrupted. It was a life that had felt so complete with Bill by my side.

I couldn't help but replay moments in my mind - the way he'd make coffee in the morning, his infectious laughter during movie nights, the way he'd always find a way to make me smile even on my toughest days. His presence had filled our home with warmth and life, and now, it felt empty and cold.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized just how much I missed him. It wasn't just the companionship; it was the deep connection we shared. We had faced challenges together, celebrated victories, and built a life intertwined with each other's dreams and aspirations.

I knew that he was on tour, doing what he loved and that I had supported him in pursuing his passion. But in that moment, all I could feel was the void he had left behind. I longed to hear his voice, to feel his comforting embrace, to have him there to help me navigate the storm of emotions that had consumed me.

The trial, Emily's outburst, and the weight of my own emotions were a heavy burden to bear alone. I missed our late-night talks, our shared dreams, and the way he'd always know how to make everything feel better.

As I sat on that cloud sofa, I knew I had to find a way to cope with his absence. I would reach out to him, let him know how much I missed him, and eagerly await the day when he'd return home, bringing back the laughter, the love, and the soul that had defined our shared space.

but I had to find a way to do it, without him being worried for me, I wouldn't want him to stress even more just because of me.

Bill POV

As the days on tour stretched, I could feel myself slowly losing my cool. The stage had always been my place. the moments on there are where I feel most alive, where I'm most comfortable, and where I want to be.

Today, in particular, was a tough day. It was court day, the day when Jordan would have to face Emily and all the demons from our past. I knew how much this trial weighed on her, how it had been a cloud over her head even as she supported me on tour. She had always been there for me, unwavering in her love and support, and now, when she needed me the most, I couldn't be there.

Tom, my ever-supportive twin brother, had tried to talk to me, to snap me out of this downward spiral. But even he, with all his understanding and empathy, struggled to reach me. The worry in his eyes was palpable, and I could sense his frustration at not being able to break through my emotional barricade.

The band had noticed too, how I was slowly losing my spark, my enthusiasm for the music we created together. Gustav and Georg, my best friends and bandmates, had approached me with concern. They knew that Jordan was my anchor, my source of inspiration, and her absence was taking its toll on me.

I was sitting backstage. My head in my hands
Tom approached me.

"Yo, Bill I'm saying this on behalf of the band, what the fuck is going on with you?"

I sighed.
"It's nothing. It's just things with Jordan."

"Bill for fuck sake, talk to your mama, it's clearly needed at this point."

"I know, I meant to, I just don't know what to say to her. What am I even supposed to say?"

"Hell anything Bill, I think y'all just need each other right now. Call her."

His words struck a chord. I reached for my phone, fingers trembling slightly as I scrolled through my contacts. Finding Jordan's number, I hesitated for a moment before pressing the call button. The anticipation of her voice made my heart race.

It rang a few times before she picked up. "Hello?" Her voice, a mix of emotions, tugged at my heartstrings.

"Hey, it's me," I said, my voice laced with concern. "I just... wanted to check in on you. How are you holding up?"

There was a brief pause on the other end before she responded, her voice sounding a bit strained. "I've had better days, but I'm managing. How's the tour?"

"It's... it's going," I replied, feeling inadequate in my attempts to comfort her from afar. "Jordan, I wish I could be there with you right now."

Her sigh echoed through the line. "I know, Bill. But you're doing what you love, and I support that. I'll manage, don't worry about me."

"I can't help but worry," I admitted, a pang of guilt gnawing at me. "I miss you, Jordan. More than words can say."

"Jordan, please, talk to me," I urged softly, trying to gently coax her into opening up. "I know something's bothering you. I can feel it in your voice."

There was a pause on the line, and I could sense her hesitation. "Bill, it's nothing you need to worry about. It's just... a lot of stuff. And I don't want you to stress about it while you're on tour."

"That's not fair, Jordan," I responded, frustration creeping into my tone. "I can handle whatever it is. I just want to be here for you."

Her sigh carried a weight I couldn't quite decipher. "It's not about you not being able to handle it, Bill. I just... I don't want to burden you with my problems. You're out there doing what you love, and I don't want to distract you from that."

"But you're not a distraction, Jordan," I insisted, feeling the tension rising. "We're in this together, remember? I want to help you through whatever it is you're going through."

Silence hung heavy between us, thick with unspoken emotions. I knew she was trying to protect me, but her silence was hurting more than the problem itself. The distance amplified our miscommunication, the longing for each other only deepening the divide.

"Fine," she finally said, her voice strained with resignation. "Let's just drop it, Bill. I don't want to argue about this."

"Jordan, please," I pleaded, but before I could finish, I heard a click as she hung up.

The emptiness of the dial tone echoed in my ears. I stared at my phone, the frustration and helplessness seeping into every fiber of my being. I wanted to reach out to her again, but the wounds of our unfinished conversation still stung.

It was a painful realization that even in trying to protect each other, our distance was making it harder to stay connected. With a heavy heart, I leaned back, feeling defeated, and wondered how we could bridge this emotional chasm between us.

"Well, that went well?" Tom awkwardly said.."please Tom, not now! I snapped back at him

"Sorry, man. I didn't mean to..." Tom's voice trailed off, sensing the tension in my tone.

"It's just frustrating," I sighed, feeling the weight of the situation weighing me down. "I know she's trying to protect me, but I can't shake this feeling that something's not right."

Tom nodded understandingly. "I get it, Bill. You care about her, and it's tough when you can't be there for her."

"Yeah," I muttered, running a hand through my hair in frustration. "I just wish she'd let me in, you know? Instead of shutting me out."

"Give her some time, man. Sometimes people need their space to figure things out," Tom offered, trying to reassure me.

I exhaled heavily, trying to compose myself. "I know, I just hate feeling so helpless, especially when I know she's going through a tough time."

Tom placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "You'll figure it out, Bill. Just give her some space for now."