Summer Blooms

Back to reality

Magical two days were gone . Was it just a dream ?
The way he played the violin with half closed eyes, the way he entwined his fingers with mine in the gallery ,
the way he talked about his deepest sorrows,
the way he sang " in the stars" for me,
the way his eyes looked for me in the audience ,
his deep voice, cheeky smile,
our final hug, his scent that I inhaled deep in... These everything played on my mind repeatedly like a movie..
I cherish everything about them.

But the long distance communication with someone else's phone was not that magical.

Communication with Vinura was not as smooth as I imagined.
Yes, I called him. From my mother's phone . It was very different from having one's own phone .. Didn't I tell you that I have a very strict father and an overprotective mother. They needed to know everything about me.
And I couldn't call him daily, given that I didn't have any close friends back in my old school , calling a guy daily would look odd.
And I couldn't definitely chat with him on wattsapp or messenger using my mother's phone .
My father was such a strict man, I didn't dare to call vinura on the days he was at home. I only called him on the days my father was away at work . . 

Couldn't  I sneak the phone at middle of the night and call him??
Well, My mother was having sleep troubles and used to play calming music from her phone all night to help her sleep , one night I tried to sneak away her phone , but she woke up as soon as the music stopped ..
Such a pathetic state I'm in.
So , Our communication was limited to short conversations only , that too once or twice in a week .

I was fully aware about the new feelings in my heart ..
May be not new, but I became certain about them in those beautiful two days with Vinura . Thoughts of him surfaced on my mind all the time..
Yes, I knew I was really really ... attracted to the guy. !!

.
.
........  

I was back at the school .
The concert,  Vinura ,
those butterflies and goosebumps ...
felt like they all happened in a fascinating dream far far away..

Now I'm back to reality.
With Menul by my side.

After playing football we were taking a break.
I was sitting on the ground , leaning on the back of Menul , using him as a sun shade.
I sensed he was trying to get up .

" Menul , don't  move"

" But , I need to pee"

" Don't go. I need you to block the sun for me"

He laughed.
" ok, ok only five more minutes "

So, things were like that.  Leaning lazily on Menul's back , inhaling his pleasant mixture of sweat and perfume.. I think about the state of my tangled feelings.

Can someone fell in love with two people??

Yes, It's certain that I have feelings for Vinura ..
Is it love? Or is it physical attraction because he is so damn hot??  But in my heart I knew I really cared for him too. In instances like he was filled with worry and concern for his grandma or when he talked about his late parents, I really wanted to hug him tight and console him. What is this feeling?

I have already labeled as my feelings for Menul as love. My first love. Am I in love with Vinura too??
Deep inside my heart I knew the answer.
The overwhelming feeling , the yearning  and nonstop dreaming.. cannot be anything else but love. Yes I was certain, that I am already in love with Vinura too.

The problem was the new feelings for Vinura didn't replace my old feelings for Menul. It didn't help the poor communication I had with Vinura while Menul was always by my side..

How can I un-love Menul, he was still the same guy I fell in love with.
Kind and gentle and handsome Menul.. taking care of me, pampering me., laughing at my silly jokes and always being next to me.. Being my best friend, my shadow..

It's like a whole new compartment was created in my heart for Vinura..  while Menul's room is still safe here in my heart.

How can I choose one of them??

I think I love them both..
But the two feelings were very different..
It felt like two kinds of love..

Menul is my peaceful deep lake in the morning ..

Vinura is my million different feeling generating colorful fireworks on the  summer night sky..