Not again !! . It's the second time within couple of days, someone had told me those words. That too by the two most important guys in my life. This time it was Menul.
It was the following monday morning in school , in a break between two periods. Sonu was sitting with her girls, I was just doodling on a last page of a book , as usual Menul was sitting beside me, when he said that out of blue .
" Shane, you have changed a lot"
My idle doodling stopped at once . " Changed? What do you mean?? .
" Well , I don't know how to put this. But that day , I felt like you choosed Vinura ayya over me"
I was loss for words.
" Menul , I didn't choose him over you ". I meant it.
" Lets say that it was ok when you went to the pharmacy with him, but after that why did you go home with him? You know, it was us who went there together, you and me!!! , but you left me at Sonu's place and went with him? "
Probably , he was right . When I looked in that way it seemed like that indeed I choosed Vinura over him. I felt remorseful .
" I'm sorry Menul . I didn't mean it that way. But I met Vinura after several months . That's why I wanted to hang out with him a bit. " I apologized.
Menul nodded thoughtfully .
" I'm sorry Menul . I didn't choose him over you "
Menul heaved a long sigh.
" It's ok Shane . I think I overreacted a bit . It was the first time I saw him. I completely forgot that he was a close friend from your old school "
This is Menul. Typical Menul. Forgave me at once and even justified my mistakes.. I felt sorry for him.
" No . It's my fault. I should have called you and explain ."
A little silence . And Menul spoke again with an expression of guilt .
" You know Shane, that day I regretted a lot thinking I sounded rude to Vinura ayya . I didn't wanna be a jerk to Sonu' s brother on the first day. Do you think I was rude to him when he asked you to go out with him?? "
That's Menul . Kind and gentle Menul I admire a lot , never wanting to hurt anyone
" I don't think so. Forget it and speak to him next time you meet "
He nodded in agreement . His face looked apologetic , then he smiled shyly .
" I think , I was just feeling little jelous . " He said.. " I thought you are going to replace your best friend "
" You can't get rid of me that easy Menul " I giggled . " I never had a close friend before you . Even I was not that close to Vinura in my previous school era. So, no. I' ll never gonna replace my best friend . Don't get your hopes high up" I said it half laughing , but that was the truth.. .
I don't know what will happen to my confusing romantic feelings . I don't know whether I will come to a place where I need to choose one of them. I don't know whether I will confess to any of them.
Choosing one of them and confessing my feelings mean , I need to come out of closet, declare my sexuality .. which I'm not ready yet.
I'm just 15, I'm not going to take that risk .. For the moment , I dont have any big plans.. I'm not cheating on anyone, as it's only involved the feelings hidden in my heart .. For now, I will just go with the flow , see what's destiny's plan for me.. One day in future , hopefully I will know what to do with blooming feelings in my heart ..
But I also knew , ever since the meeting with Vinura at the street food arena that day, ever since he ruffled my hair calling me a ball of sunshine , I couldn't get Vinura out my mind.
And I didn't know that fate had other plans for me regarding confession of my love..
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