By your side

End and a beginning

When I opened my eyes, I was staring up at an unknown ceiling. My head continued to ache.

When I glanced around, Shweta was dozing off in a chair. I knew I was in a hospital. I attempted to sit up, which roused Shweta. She dashed over to me.

"Aadya! Wait. I'll call the nurse; you shouldn't move too quickly," Shweta said, concern clear in her voice. I nodded weakly, grateful for her presence and the reassurance that help was on the way.

"Stay laying down. You're still quite frail."

"What happened, Shweta?" I inquired.

Shweta hesitated for a moment before responding, her eyes filled with worry. "You fainted, Aadya. Thank God you are fine now."

"I was knocked out for how long? Did you tell my parents about it?"

Shweta sighed, her concern deepening. "You were unconscious for about five hours. Your parents don't know anything yet."

"What the heck happened to me, Shweta?"

She pursed her lips. "I'm going to tell you everything. Just relax. Ok?"

She walked away while I recounted the incidents. I remembered seeing Ishaan's engagement picture, and tears welled up again.

"Glad to see you're awake," the attractive doctor said as Shweta and she entered the room.

"Hi, I am a doctor, Kavita. I am your gynaecologist."

"Gynaecologist?" I muttered. Confusion filled my mind as I tried to process the doctor's words.

"Sorry, doctor," Shweta said. "She doesn't know."

"Oh! I am so sorry." The doctor's expression turned sympathetic.

She approached me and gently took my hand in hers. "Aadya, this morning you had a miscarriage."

My eyes widened in disbelief!

"What! But I wasn't pregnant!" I blurted.

The doctor's sympathetic expression turned into a look of pity. "I understand your confusion, Aadya," she whispered. "Sometimes miscarriages can occur even when a person is not aware of their pregnancy."

I just stared at her, trying to make sense of whatever she was saying.

"When did you last have your period?"

"About 2 months ago."

"You didn't notice when you skipped your periods?"

"They can be erratic... I wasn't paying attention. I had no sensations. I mean, I do not know how to feel during pregnancy."

The doctor nodded sympathetically. "It's not uncommon for women to be unaware of their pregnancy, especially in the early stages. Many symptoms can be subtle or easily mistaken for something else. It was your first pregnancy, so it's normal. It's different for all women. Some women don't get any pregnancy symptoms until they are in their second trimester. You were about 8–9 weeks pregnant."

I felt as if a heavy brick had been thrown at me. I unconsciously touched my belly, which was now devoid of any life. The doctor's words echoed in my mind. I had been so stupid!

"But, doctor, she didn't get nausea or anything like that," stated Shweta.

"As I have stated, not everyone experiences these symptoms. I'm assuming you were sexually active?"

I bit my lip and slowly nodded. The doctor's words confirmed my worst fear: I had unknowingly carried a life inside me for weeks without even realising it. Shame and regret washed over me as I realised the consequences of my actions.

"What precautions were you taking?"

This was the most awkward conversation I'd ever had. I couldn't take my mind off of Ishaan.

"Either condoms or morning-after pills."

"Morning-after pills are not effective if the conception has already happened, so one must take regular birth control pills to avoid pregnancy. I can prescribe you some later on. They will also help in regulating your periods."

The doctor explained while I chewed my lips. I was numb.

"Doctor, is she alright now?" Shweta asked.

"Oh yes! Miscarriages in the first trimester are quite typical. She can be a mother again in the future because there was no significant injury."

I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I sobbed as the doctor looked perplexed.

"She is just an emotional doctor," Shweta explained. "Could we please talk outside for a minute?"

While I grieved over my stupidity, the doctor left with Shweta. I had made countless blunders in my life, but this was the most serious. I simply wanted to die.

"Hey, Aadya," Shweta came back.

"What have I done, Shweta?" I wailed as I hugged her. "How could I have been so stupid?"

"It isn't your fault, Aadya." We were all duped by him. I should have told you not to date him."

"Shweta, I have lost everything today." I continued to wail.

Shweta hugged me. " I read the news. That bastard. I wish I could get my hands on him".

Something had broken inside of me. I wiped my eyes and let go of the hug.

"From now on, Ishaan is dead for me, Shweta." I never want him back in my life. In some ways, it's a good thing I lost the baby. I'm not sure I could carry anything of him inside of me."

Shweta gasped, "Oh! Aadya."

I shut my eyes. I didn't regret my words. Something within me had died, and it wasn't only Ishaan's baby.

"Don't I appear cruel? I learned a valuable lesson. Never go with your heart. It will entangle you in its activities, and you will be in knots by the time you realise it."

Shweta reached out and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Aadya, it's understandable that you feel this way right now. But remember, healing takes time, and it's important to give yourself the space to process your emotions." I nodded, grateful for Shweta's understanding. Deep down, I knew that eventually I would find the strength to move forward and rebuild my life without Ishaan.

"God, Aadya, I'll kill him if I get my hands on him," Shweta said. "I despise him now."

"Hate is a powerful emotion, Shweta," I said. "I have no feelings for him. Our love died with our child. Promise me you'll assist me in forgetting him."

"I promise, Aadya," Shweta replied.

"If he ever returns for me, inform him I do not want him in my life. Will you do that for me, Shweta?"

"Of course, Aadya, I am your best friend. I will do whatever you say."

That evening, I returned home. The news of our breakup had quickly spread among our friends. His engagement made headlines, and photos of him were all over social media. Even if I blocked him, we shared too many friends.

Except for Shweta, no one knew about my miscarriage, and I was certain she wouldn't tell anyone.

I deleted all my social media. I resigned from my job, and by the end of the week, I was on a flight to Delhi.