A high sea adventure

Sirius and the reasons behind his pain and suffering

Some days went past and Sirius who was now pretending to be Regulus was sitting in a room that he only knew he was crying so much and had bottles of alcohol with him in the room he was hugging his legs he couldn't do this he decided to do this for Regulus because he already knew what his fate was right from the start he was just counting down the days when it would happen he looked so broken he hated being here in this place but in his mind, he knew he was doing this for Regulus, however, the pain and everything he went through in this place gave him so much pain.

He would finally stop hugging his knees and got up he stumble a bit since he had been drinking the alcohol quite a bit he had tears down his face he was looking at one of the walls but before he did he went over to the record player of the room that he had and would put a record on that was when he started to smile a bit music helped him to get through the pain Sirius would then went back to looking at the wall he was just looking at but stumbled a bit more over to it when he was at the wall that was when he spoke "I remember a time when I could manage to be able to be in the house when I had a relationship with Regulus...they were simpler times..." he would take a photo off the wall it was a photo of Sirius and Regulus when they were younger he couldn't help have tears came out of his eyes but he spoke again "That was when we were two young royal princes where we could be spoiled and could be kids...but when I turned eleven and you were ten Reggie things changed that was when things dark...and our relationship as brothers was ruined..." That was when Sirius started to cry he remembered that day too well.

On that day when Sirius was eleven and Regulus was ten, their parents argued about the roles of their sons Sirius and Regulus didn't know what was going on because they were just playing and being normal royal kids but that was when the first time the two heard their mother shout at a royal staff member "Get Sirius here right now!" that was when the royal staff member was about to say something however she just shouted at the royal staff member "NOW!" the royal staff member nodded his head at her and went to get Sirius however he didn't want to go to his mother he was crying and screaming however the royal staff members did get Sirius to his mother in the end but he was so scared however when his mother spoke those words haunted him so many years "Listen to me Sirius you are young royal you should now be doing royal jobs now like me and your father for now on!"

Sirius' heart was beating a lot while remembering that it was painful to remember so he put the photo back on the wall he had so many tears down his face but he would wipe them away he was trying to keep on crying but he would speak "That day lead to years of abuse mental and physical from my parents...being in the public eye and all of that...I didn't want to be part of this life I wanted to leave so badly...I needed an escape so remembering all my adventures of rooms that mother and father didn't let us in I used this room that no one knew about at all as my escape...of when things got so bad and all of that..." Sirius couldn't help but smile a tiny bit he knew why he was smiling he went back to sitting on the floor but now near the wall where the photos he had were he got an alcohol bottle that wasn't empty then opened his mouth "I took everything I could that my parents didn't want me to have and put them here I made this place my home...of sort it was more like a second home to me...I was the happiest here before I ran away from this place...I counted the days when I would turn sixteen I said to myself I'm leaving at sixteen and going to sea...my calling...." He couldn't help but smile a bit at what he just said he remembered how he ran away and left this place it was the best thing he had ever done other than meeting Remus.

Sirius closed his eyes since his head was hurting a bit "I remember when I left this place I only had the clothes on my back and some of the things that James gave me...I had been starving for days because my mother decided to ground me with no food at all I wanted to get out of here so badly so that day I made my choice there and then...I wrote a note to Regulus saying goodbye I couldn't say goodbye to him face to face so in the early hours of the morning I ran away and went to the other side of the town...to be with my best friend again James...when he saw me all bruised up and in pain he took me into the house...he took me in that day we talked for hours he gave me clean clothes and helped me out...I didn't even recognize Lily a whole introduction had to be done because my parents didn't let me go outside if it was for royal business only...I missed James so much when we saw each other again on that day I left this place we hugged each other so hard and cried into each other arms...it felt nice to see him again after so many years...I'm grateful to have him..." He was smiling a lot it was the only good memory he had Sirius just sat there with the record player playing in the background it was peaceful enough for him but he decided to speak again "I never got any sleep here...it was rare...it still is rare these days but not so rare as while being here... the darkest days in my life were in this castle it's why I said to myself I would never come back here...but that all changed for sure when Remus came into my life..."

That was when Sirius could feel all of the tears started to pour down out of his eyes he had to open his heart was aching so badly he couldn't stop crying all of his feelings were finally coming out after years of bottling it all up he felt so alone in his lowest of loses he feel rock bottom so hard he didn't want to be here but he was here to keep Regulus safe he still cared about his little brother after so many years and after he left the castle he wanted his brother have some freedom and he knew this was the right time he wanted his brother to be happy he wanted everyone to be happy and no one needed to know how he felt and his feelings he has learnt for so many years to keep them bottled up and leave them he was so selfless and didn't think of himself he only thought of his own feelings when Remus came into the picture all of this Sirius realized it all came back to Remus if he didn't sneak out off the ship that night and didn't meet Remus none of this would had happen it all came to Remus time after time again but the truth was he loved Remus so much his love for him so strong Remus changed Sirius to be a better man and understand life some more and see it a bit more differently than hating the world for what he went through.

That was when Sirius closed his eyes and cried himself to sleep he just felt so tired he felt like he was about to pass out so he thought it was a good idea to just fall asleep right there on a cold floor he has done it before a cold floor doesn't bother him that much anymore he was so used to it.