Cold as Ice: The Heart of Stone

Chapter 2 - Small Talk

Having the day after a match off is an actual godsend. My legs feel like they have been rolled over by a 10 tone truck. I could go to the training centre and use their recovery facilities, I'm sure that's what most of the other girls are doing but I for one would rather shit in my hands and clap than be in that environment longer than I have to be. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love football, it's my life but I am starting to regret my decision to come back to Arsenal.

Currently I'm sat on the sofa with my own form of recovery... my massage gun. Praying to for himself to take this aching away. I couldn't sleep all that well lastnight so decided to go on a run at 4am, big regret now. I don't know why I do this to myself, I quite like the pain in a fucked up kind of way, like it's gods way of given me a hint of all the pain I've caused people.

I saw a few of the girls stories from Beth's movie night, it looked like a lot of fun if I'm being honest with myself. Lots of laughs, food and just mates being mates and all that.

If I truly sit and stop blocking out old memories. I remember being the main person at those gatherings. Main person meaning, I was the one who made the best jokes, I was probably louder than McCabe, I probably talked more than Beth, I probably danced at random times more than Jen and smiled more than Lotte.

Now look at me.

Lost in my own thoughts, I hear my front door swing open and smack the wall. Brilliant.

"Rori!" Thunders through the hallway.

The last person I want a lecture from right now is my older sister Izzy. I ignored all of her texts and all of her calls lastnight. I knew what it would be about, her entrance hasn't caught me off guard at all.

"I regret giving you that key you know. Can I have it back?" I mutter turning my gun off.

She turns the corner with a less than impressed face. "What was that?"

"Oh nothing." I smile sarcastically.

She hums walking through and sitting in the chair opposite me. "Well?"

"Well?" I repeat confused.

Her eyes roll in the same way mine do. "What was all this about then?" She turns her phone around and shows me video after video of me and McCabe. "Do you know how hard it is to explain to two children why their auntie is plastered across every tiktok basically promoting violence. You are meant to be setting examples here Rori, you're not 12, you're 24!"

"Not my problem you let a 5 year old and a 3 year old watch videos from your phone." I shrug sarcastically which earns me a stern look.

Izzy sighs, knowing full well if someone comes at me I will just shut off and most probably reply with sarcasm or rudeness. "What happened Ri?" She says softly this time.

I shrug, "I don't really know Iz. McCabe was giving me shit, I retaliated and then, well... the video speaks for itself."

Izzy rubs her head, "You know, this is all brought on from yourself."

"Yep, well aware."

"So, how are you gonna fix it?"

"I've tried, trust me."

I did try. When I came back to to Arsenal, yes my appearance was completely unexpected and caught, well everyone off guard, just like my exit really. But I did what I needed to do, I went to therapy, I talked about my feelings and all that shit. I tried to speak to the girls to apologise and explain myself but... I mean well, Leah slapped me, Beth slapped me, Viv slapped me and Katie slapped me, no one wanted to hear me out. I deserved that so that was fine but since then I've not a chance to speak really and now, I don't want to. I genuinely don't know what I can do anymore so why bother?