A Missed Opportunity

10

❃𝙺𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚊❃

It's hard to find somewhere where you fit in. Sometimes, you never do find that special spot you fit in at in that one place you really want to be. That's my case, at least.

The property management company I'm at now is a small office with just a handful of employees who work inside it. The rest are all either in a different building or are out in the field. But most of the employees who are in my office have been here a lot longer than I have. They all already know each other, and I can't help but feel a little left out in the break room. Mostly because I don't have some of their names memorized yet much less the ones from different buildings. So, half the time I'm completely lost with what they're talking about.

I silently hope this gets fixed the longer I'm here though. It hasn't been that long yet, and I decide that I'm just not giving it time.

At the very least, I'm not completely alone. Every time I look at my phone, there's a response from pretty much my only friend out here. I feel bad lying to her by not telling her the connection my son and I have with her brother, but I can't bring myself to be the one to tell her. It's horrible, but I instead stick with talking with her casually about other things outside of our kids and families.

Aaliyah tells me she had a hard time making friends at her new job too. She admitted she still doesn't have many, but also adds that it helps to smile when you make accidental eye contact. I want to laugh when she says she used to want to move away and change her name every time she made accidental eye contact.

Which, honestly, I still feel that way sometimes. She admits that more often than not, she still does too. And unfortunately for her, Elaina is apparently social. She says she is pretty much mortified every time they go out and Elaina chooses random strangers to stare down. She doesn't actually say hi—she's too shy to—but she does just stare.

It's nice to have someone to relate to that isn't my mom out here. All of my other friends at home were only my friends because we lived in the same area for the most part. And the fact that I left kind of kills most of the dynamic we had. So, to have a new friend who I can find more and more things we have in common with every conversation I have, it makes me feel good. Refreshed, more like. And even though I love Cameron to death, it feels good to have more of a life outside of being his mom. Which is another issue I had with my last friends. We were essentially a group of moms, which was nice but there was that part of me that I missed that no one else seemed to.

Aaliyah happily offers her husband up to be a babysitter for me while we go out and do our own things. At first, I smile at that as I type out my response. But then the conversation feels a little awkward as she adds Noah into the offer. It's so innocent too—She happily tells me that Elaina loves her uncle and that he'd probably be free and up for taking them both out on a day trip while we both go off and do our own thing.

I'm half tempted to joke with her and say I'm positive Noah wouldn't mind taking Cameron for me for a day, but I reframe from it. That's the part where I feel a little guilty though. Our friendship is so new, and I'm already keeping something huge from her. It's obviously not a great feeling, so after sending my text to Aaliyah, I switch to Noah's contact where there's already a message waiting for me.

I tilt my head at the text he sent not too long ago. 'Hey, you mind if I give Cameron a gift when he gets out of school?' He asks simply. I read the message back a couple of times just for the sake of making sure I read it right the first time. Noah said he liked to buy things that remind him of the people around him at the store every time he goes, so I've come to terms with the possibility that he might have a gift for Cameron almost every time he sees him.