A Missed Opportunity

22

✧𝙽𝚘𝚊𝚑✧

I haven't had a chance to get a sleepover with Cameron yet. I don't know why since we all agreed it'd be nice to have one a long while ago, we just never did it, I guess.

It's the most fun but exhausting thing I've ever experienced. Exhausting in a good way, I think. Once Cameron is finally set up in my bed and asleep, that tired sigh I let out when I drop onto the couch/my bed for the night makes me smile. I like that tired feeling, if I'm being honest. I'm tired because I ran around my apartment all day with my son.

It still feels so unreal. My son. My son. I didn't get to watch his mom's belly grow, didn't get to see his first steps or first smile or laugh, and didn't get to be woken up at two in the fucking morning by crying and screaming because he's hungry or something—and for that I'll always be disappointed. But right now I get to feel the exhaustion I should've felt from day one. The crushing exhaustion that is somehow rewarding. I don't quite understand how, but that swell of my heart tells me the reward is right there waiting for me.

I missed way too much.

I sigh again and glance over at my phone that vibrates on the couch cushion beside me. I hesitate, but ultimately reach over and lazily move the blanket off of it so I can pick it up. I'm less lazy to answer it after seeing it's just Kiara though. "Hey," I hum quietly into the phone even though I'm pretty sure Cameron is out.

"Hey." She returns just as quietly. "How's it going?" She gets right to the point, but her voice still stays soft and unconcerned.

I smile to myself as I tip my head against the back of the couch to look up at the ceiling. "Good." I chuckle. "He went to bed, like, five—ten minutes ago."

"Got him to go easy? He hates bedtime."

"That he does." I murmur thoughtfully. She laughs at that. "No, he went down okay." I assure. I had to do each and every step right beside him, but we did it. "How'd, uh, things go with what's his face?" I can't help my question.

She laughs at that. "Wyatt."

"Uh-huh." I playfully acknowledge. "He wanna try again?" I push, half afraid she won't tell me. I don't know why she wouldn't or why I'd be afraid of it though. It doesn't make sense.

"Yeah."

I nod to myself, pressing my tongue to the inside of my cheek while I think about that. I drop my chin to look down at the ground instead of the ceiling while we both linger in silence for a moment. "And?" I eventually coax.

"We're going to get dinner Saturday."

My eyes fall shut. I blame it on the exhaustion. "That—I mean. That's good, right? You like him, don't you?"

Her voice suddenly sounds so much gentler than it had before. "Yeah...I do." She thoughtfully whispers, a hint of a smile audible there. I like it when I can hear her smile just in her voice. It makes up for the fact that I can't actually see it.

"Yeah." I repeat. "That's nice, Kiara—Really. I'm happy for you guys." I don't know how much that really means to her, but I give it up anyway. I guess it's just something you say, right? I mean it, of course, but it's also a reflex to offer something like that in a conversation like this.

And as if she can read my mind..."Thank you. That means a lot, actually."

"So, um," I swallow and clear my throat. "After school tomorrow you want me to just pick him up and bring him back to mine?" I ask. The plan was to take Cameron to school tomorrow then have Kiara pick him up and take him home with her, but I really wouldn't mind having him that extra day. Especially if she's going to be out on a date thing with this guy. I don't feel like being alone while my friend is out on a date—that always sucks.