A Missed Opportunity

57

❃𝙺𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚊❃

We're seriously doing it. Spending a whole week at Noah's. Our son wanted it, and I guess we both kind of have a hard time saying no to something we could easily do for him. Especially when it comes to us as a family.

It's not like I don't want to be here. I actually like it when we're spending the night at each other's houses. It's nice and cozy to have someone else in the house with us.

The daytime is just as great as nighttime. I get to watch Cameron bond with his dad during the day, and at night when it's past his bedtime, I get to sit on the kitchen floor beside his dad eating ice cream. I've actually come to really like both sides of it.

Nighttime used to be lonely. Even before Cameron was born, I always felt so alone. I've never really done well with the quiet, always waiting for something to harshly interrupt that quiet. But now, I know there's nothing to interrupt my quiet time. And it's not too quiet that it hurts, because I can easily turn to look at who's beside me. Or I can pick up the phone and call, knowing that someone will answer. He always answers.

Tonight, my day is ending with a dark room illuminated by the tv screen of our movie. I almost feel too hot, cuddled up against Noah's side with a blanket he threw over me. We haven't spoken for nearly an hour now, letting the movie fill the silence.

It's nice. That's all I can really say about it. It's just nice. It's nice to be tired after a long day of work and come home to two boys playing like they're both eight-years-old. It's nice to have a short conversation about whose turn it is to make dinner tonight. It's nice to be told to go sit down even though he's clearly had a long day too just because he wants to.

And at the very end, after dinner and after I've gotten Cameron ready for bed, it's just us. My sleep schedule has shifted a bit since there is now someone there for me to hang out with or talk to after Cameron goes to bed, so I stay up a lot longer than I normally do with Noah. Which helps with us getting to know each other better and expanding our relationship that we still have yet to label. For now, we're just us.

Us who happen to have a kid together.

There are a few things I've learned about him tonight alone. Like, for one, he likes slice of life movies more than any other genres. He also likes cuddling as much as I do. And he has a love hate relationship with the puppy sleeping down the hall with Cameron.

Apparently, the dog thought his name was Fucker. Which means Noah called him that enough times, that he started actually responding to it. That's actually what leads to the fourth thing I learn about him tonight alone. He likes to curse a lot more than I thought. Especially when he's alone, apparently.

The dog thinks his name is Fucker because there was nothing else Noah thought to call him. Not even Rex which was his temporary name. It doesn't mean Noah's been screaming at the poor puppy twenty-four/seven—No. He admits awkwardly that sometimes, he lovingly uses the name as if it's an actual name.

The dog's name is now Gus. Not Fucker, not Rex, Gus. Neither of them are happy I've made the final decision, but by the end of the night that's what everyone is calling him anyway.

I try to be mad about the fact that Noah let that poor puppy think his name was Fucker, but he makes it really hard to stay mad at him. Especially when the lights go out and it's just us on the couch. Because at that point, I remember what kinda guy he is.