The Things I Never Said [To You] | inksmoker

25/01/2019

25/01/2019

Dear you,

i'm sorry if it stings to see me happy with people who aren't you,

i'm sorry if it's evident i'm not on the same page as i was anymore

it's just

i've been moving on;

i needed to

i know we haven't talked since a while

i know you might be hurt beyond what i can imagine

and i want you to know things with you WERE good,

you're an amazing person despite how you think of yourself

and you know that this is exactly what i think of you,

but then a time came when those things became too complicated-

We, became too complicated

to the point where i questioned every move

every action, every vocalisation

not yours, but of my own

i wasn't sure how to respond

i wasn't sure what to say and what not to say

i mean sometimes when i said something, i regretted doing so and sometimes i regretted

not doing so

suddenly, i couldn't handle it

our relationships, our friendships, our connections

they all came in the way

it was so complicated, my mind was overwhelmed almost every time

with thoughts i had no control over, things i couldn't understand

i know yours was too but i was the first

who couldn't manage it anymore

so i'm sorry, i let go of the elastic

holding us together

i don't know what you're thinking

would you want me to talk to you?

would you want me to stay away?

do you hate me?

i think i would

i don't want you to hate me though,

regardless of everything, of course i don't

i don't know what you're feeling

are you sad?

are you angry with me?

i thought the step i took was the right one

i was so certain, i so firmly held onto it

but sometimes i question that too

if i hadn't taken that step, would we be here today?

will i see you again?

********

to my friend who taught me what a real best friend was