Captivated by shadows [h.s.]

1.

What is freedom?

I've never really thought about what it means to be free. Every person has a different understanding of freedom and what it really means to be free. For some, freedom means being able to do what they want. For someone else is freedom to travel and experience adventures, but how do I define freedom?

I'm 21 years old and I haven't experienced many things in this world yet. There are questions to which I will probably never get an answer. I've never been a person who had many hobbies, but I have always envied the people who could talk about their hobby for hours, while I didn't even have an answer to the question 'What is your hobby?'

I think that I'm an introvert, because I've never had a lot of friends, but that doesn't bother me. I don't care if I have many friends or not, the main thing is that I can always count on them, right?

My growling stomach pulled me out of my thoughts as I was tying my naturally red hair into a ponytail.

Today was one of those days when I met up with Maya – one of my best friends. She had convinced me to accompany her to the parade that took place in our town on the same day every year.

As usual, there were probably a few cars that drove slowly through the streets with large music boxes to celebrate the day on which our city was founded.

I wasn't a big fan of events like that. Larger crowds made me nervous, so I stayed at home most of the time where no one could disturb me. On days like today, a little alcohol helped me to free myself from my fears, which was a good thing because Maya was hard to get rid of once she set her mind to something.

She's been at my house since nine o'clock because she insisted on having breakfast and drinking mimosas with me. At around 1 p.m. she brought out the tequila because she thought I needed something stronger than champagne mixed with orange juice.

"One more before we go?" she asks, to which I turn my head in her direction and slowly nod. I watch her as she refills the two small glasses that are in front of her nose. This is now my fifth shot and I could start to feel the alcohol making me relax more.

It's not that I'm happy about walking through the narrow streets among a thousand people, but when I think about it, I don't feel so uncomfortable anymore.

Without saying anything else, Maya and I synchronously lick the salt from our hands and then drink the tequila with disgusted faces. "I'll never get used to the taste," I say with narrowed eyes.

"It's not supposed to taste good, it's supposed to help you come out of your shell." She giggles and hands me a lime, which I immediately suck the juice out of. "Ready?" she asks, to which I sigh and nod.

She braided her long blonde hair into a high braid that ended between her shoulder blades. She wore a red dress that reached just above her knees and emphasized her perfect body.

The barely visible straps and the small V-neck rounded the whole thing off perfectly. She was always a confident person and wasn't ashamed to wear something more revealing. I always admired that about her.

My gaze falls on the mirror hanging in my hallway. I am the complete opposite of her. I had thick red hair, freckles that were hard to miss on my face and, as is the case with all redheads, very light skin.

My eyes run down my arms to my hands and the many rings on my individual fingers. One of the rings on my middle finger had a turquoise-coloured stone with a silver setting. My mother gave it to me for my birthday about two years ago and I wore it almost every day. The stone matched perfectly with the turquoise top and black shorts I was wearing.