Captivated by shadows [h.s.]

34.

The silence in this room was as calm as the breath of a sleeping angel, gentle and tender. I had completely lost my sense of time, just like my strength, which left me alone on the cold floor. Even the hot tears that rolled down my cheeks and burned into my skin with shame have disappeared.

Harry's brown curls tickled the back of my neck and I could feel his calm and steady breath brushing over my skin as he still lingered behind me, holding me as if he knew full well that this was what I needed most right now, but I sat there paralysed.

I felt like I hadn't slept for three days. My throat hurt as if I had eaten something without chewing first, my eyes burned like fire and my head was empty and at the same time so full of thoughts that I could hardly see clearly.

Did I just tell Harry that I care about him?

My gaze wanders to his arms, which he has wrapped around my stomach. He was sitting so close behind me that his chest touched my back every time he breathed in.

His legs were stretched out to the left and right of me whereas I was still sitting on my knees like a little foal that has just learnt to walk properly and still fell down.

How will the things I've said affect us?

Normally I would think that he would get even nastier to me from now on, bullying and harassing me even more but considering how we were both sitting on the floor at the moment, not saying a word to each other, you could strongly doubt that.

Although that doesn't really mean anything. I've learnt not to interpret too much into every word or every gesture.

When we danced together in the tree house, laughed together and ended up lying together in the rain, I also thought he was different now.

I had wanted it.

And then he throws me out of my own room to pick up some college student and continues to lie to me from top to bottom, or rather plays his strange games with me, as if I were nothing more than his pastime against boredom.

All of this would be much easier if I didn't like him.

I don't know what it was that made me start to like him. I guess that over time, after all the terrible things he had already done, I was still able to recognise a human being in him.

A person who cares about how his fellow human beings are doing, even if he pretends not to care.

The day we jumped out of a moving car, and he came crawling to me afterwards, even though he was completely out of breath himself, just to ask me if I was okay, that was the first time I realised it.

And even now I saw more than just an arrogant asshole in him. He's holding me in his arms because I broke down crying. No one who doesn't care about people and their feelings would have bothered to hug someone just because they weren't feeling well.

Maybe these are all reasons why I don't hate Harry.

I could hear him breathing in and out deeply behind me before he lifted his head, which had been resting on my shoulder until a moment ago, and slowly stood up after a few seconds. He came walking in front of me, chewing the inside of his cheek thoughtfully as he looked down at me with his eyebrows furrowed.

I wonder what's going through his head right now?

I look up at him, waiting. It looks as if he wants to say something but can't find the right words. A few seconds later, he holds out his hand to me, which I grasp uncertainly and shortly afterwards he pulls me to my feet.

"Come with me. I want to show you something." His green irises met mine as his raspy voice filled the room.

"If you're just trying to fool me again, I'm not interested." I took my hand away from him again and crossed my arms.