Captivated by shadows [h.s.]

26.

Harry Styles

The cold sweats, the irregular breathing, wanting to say something but not being able to get a word out. It was very clear.

She had a panic attack

I was very familiar with panic attacks, and they had also plagued me for a while before Eduardo started training me.

Frowning, I watch her as she staggers off in the same direction Niall and the others have gone. A few seconds later, I took another cigarette out of the packet lying next to me in the sand and lit it.

I wonder what she must have thought of me when I just sat in her room tonight?

I was drunk, but I meant every word I said.

She's going to die, and it's all my fault

I took a deep drag on my cigarette and inhaled the toxic smoke before exhaling heavily into the air.

I should have just shot her straight away. I knew all this was a god-damn mistake.

One day, when she dies, I know for a fact that Niall will hate me for it. He'll blame me for her death and all because he was already so close to her, as if they'd been best friends for years.

Louis, on the other hand, does everything right. He knows just as well as I do that she's going to die and doesn't even go into it. We all know that forming a bond with someone who will soon no longer be alive only affects our lives.

All of us, except Niall.

I don't blame him. At 22, he's been through just as much shit as the rest of us, and I can understand why he's now trying to hold on to someone who makes him feel confident and secure.

I have to admit, Rosalie really doesn't make it easy for him. She doesn't make it easy for any of us. Her laughter made you laugh along and watching her and Niall drunkenly joking about something was very amusing, but nevertheless we still have our rules.

Nobody else, except the four of us.

Niall was stubborn and stupid to pretend that Rosalie would be with us forever. Her loss will only bring him shame and when Eduardo realises that, he will have no use for him then Niall will be able to keep her company in the afterlife.

"What are you thinking about?" I heard Louis' voice as he dropped next to me, followed by Liam and Niall.

"Nothing important." I reply, shrugging my shoulders.

"Where's Rosie?" is the first thing Niall asks, causing me to roll my eyes.

As I said, he got too involved with her.

"She wanted to join you in the café." I took a drag on my cigarette, still with my eyes fixed on the water.

"But she wasn't." Liam interjects.

"She'll be back." I reply indifferently. Louis sat quietly next to me, as he always did when we talked about Rosalie.

"How can you not care that she wasn't with us when she said she was coming to us? What if Richard has kidnapped her again?" Niall stands in front of me, blocking my view.

"Relax, she's had a panic attack and is probably sitting somewhere to calm down."

"What?" Niall looks down at me in horror. "And you're not going after her?"

"I'm not a fucking psychologist." I say grumpily and take another drag on my cigarette.

"You're so –"