Captivated by shadows [h.s.]

16.

Huddled together, I sat in a corner at the other end of the room. Eyes wide open, I stared at the huge pool of blood on the floor. Steven was white as a sheet and still lying in place with his eyes open.

This is all my fault

I sat there as if I was in a trance, just staring at the corpse in front of me.

I've killed a human. I am a murderer.

What happened to "No human deserves to die"?

I could still remember when I told Harry a few days ago that no one should be punished with death, not even a murderer like him, but now I'm a murderer myself.

I deserve to die. I took the life of a man.

My heart hurt so much that I wanted to scream. My forehead was covered in cold sweat and my whole body was shaking. I didn't know how much time had passed since I slit his throat, but one thing was clear:

I had to get out of here as quickly as possible

Shaking, I got up again and walked to the closed door.

He is dead. I killed him. I am a murderer.

My legs felt like jelly as I opened the door a small crack. I kept seeing his face before my eyes as he desperately tried to breathe through the blood.

I slapped my hand over my mouth as the tears flowed down my cheeks like rivulets. I have to pull myself together, otherwise I'll never manage to escape from here.

He is dead. I killed him. I am a murderer.

I squint my eyes and take a few deep breaths. After a few seconds, I stuck my head through the gap. Fortunately for me, I found the corridor empty, whereupon I stepped out of the room without hesitation and closed the door quietly behind me.

I had no idea which way to go, but better to go somewhere than to stop here. I tiptoed to the right, the cool air giving me goose bumps as I ran through the corridors with my pulse racing.

What did I do?

When I reach the end of the corridor, I lean against the cold stone wall with my eyes closed and my breath shuddering.

I am a murderer.

My thoughts were so loud that I had to concentrate more than just to hear if anyone was around.

With every movement I made, the flashbacks came flooding back to me, making me relive this terrible moment over and over again.

Get a grip on yourself.

I tried to focus on my surroundings, but my pounding head didn't really make it any easier.

When I couldn't hear anyone, I looked round the corner. Another corridor stretched out in front of me, which looked exactly like the corridor I was just standing in. Without hesitation, I ran on when I realised that there was no one here either.

He is dead. I killed him. I am a murderer.

I tightened my jaw as I thought about all the blood. All the blood that was on my hands and chest. The flashbacks caught up with me again.

I could feel again how it felt to slit his throat. I saw his eyes wide open in front of me again, and I could hear the gurgling noises he was making again. I stumbled and braced myself against the wall with one hand, breathing heavily.

It felt like someone was hitting me on the head with a hammer every time a flashback hit me. It made it impossible for me to keep running. It's like it paralysed me with every second I thought about Steven.