Burn -- A Biography

Trauma

Mostly from the public. Mostly in school.
The stupid fucking world isn't made for people like me. I've blocked out most of the bullying I've had to endure from stupid people in all seventeen of my stupid fucking life. People who I thought were my friends fucking abandoned me during my times of need, which led to my unhealthy fear of abandonment.
My mom hasn't yet replied to my texts while I'm trying to fucking vent so I have a fucking mental breakdown and can't stop crying. I can't even distract myself and I want to fucking kill myself because of it. I hate it so much. Now I hate my mom. Usually the hate disappears when she answers my texts.
My mom always answers my texts in five minutes or less no matter what she's doing, so when it doesn't happen I think she hates me and has abandoned me. I try to think like "no she's just busy" but then my stupid defiant mind gets all defiant and is like "yeah because she hates you and doesn't wanna talk to you" and I listen to that voice instead because it's louder and drowns out the other voice.
I also asked my dad to turn down the heat down here a lot because my chronic illness makes me sweat through even the thinnest layers of clothing but apparently he fucking didn't because he's too mentally unstable to even be a father.
He also RELUCTANTLY supports me in being trans and genderqueer and would rather he have the daughter he used to have even though he perfectly normal young daughter already. He doesn't support my name changes and he teases me in ways that hurt my feelings.
Shit I'm crying again.
I JUST WANNA BE NORMAL WITH A NORMAL FAMILY.
I also hate how my sister's boyfriend comes over every weekend even though he has perfectly fine house my sister can to so I don't have to mask at home anymore! I didn't even realise I mask at home until just now and it's because I feel like my sister find me too weird and hates me because of it.