Burn -- A Biography

School

I started school. I can't remember if I talked about my school difficulties here before, but I started school.
It starts at ten am. I have Science in the morning, which I have to take two separate elevators to.
The building is very old so there's only two separate elevators. You need a key, so I get the key from the front office, insert it in the keyhole to call the elevator, take it out, enter, insert it and hold the button. It's the same for the other elevator.
I went to Science once, on the first day of the new Quadmester, which is a semester but split into four.
Then there's lunch. I ate on the front steps of the school, trying not to have a panic attack because I thought I looked weird because I was sitting so awkwardly.
I gained the confidence to sit next to a girl who also seemed lonely. She was new. Her name is Lilly and I think she's in my arts class.
Then I have Practical and Applied Arts (PAA). I didn't go that day.
I didn't get back to school till Friday that week. I forget why.
I had a dentist appointment on Friday morning. My first cleaning since I got my braces off (I also got an eyebrow piercing). Then after we got food and went to the drug store and played the lottery (we lost. And by we I mean me and my mom). Then I went to school to my arts class. I met a guy. Felix. He sat at my table. Which is nice considering we could choose where we sat in that class. We watched a few videos, sketched a few things. I wanted to get his socials but he left before I could ask and I was very upset.
I haven't been to school at all this week. I had a panic attack, started my period. I still feel like I don't belong. That's all I'm asking for that. To belong and to have actual friends.
I feel like a disappointment I know I'm not though. I did tell my mom I knew she was gonna start on a speech it was inevitable I cringed a thousand times.
Oh yeah I'm off my birth control and weening off my anti-depressants. I've come a long way and I just gotta accept that there will be bad days.

May 7th. I went to school today. Or, I tried. I had to go into town anyways for a doctors appointment. I'm getting an IV soon, in a couple of months.
I went to school today. It was break. Nobody was at the desk to give me the key to the elevator. I had to climb up three flights. I could barely catch my breath.
I went to school today. I cried. I had my panic attack. My science teacher reminds me of my creepy fifth grade teacher. Everyone found him weird.
I went to school today. I cried on the floor. Good think my makeup is waterproof.
I started watching American Horror Story by the way. Just so you know.