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XLVII . Proposal

Hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko. A second ago, I was ready to say that I still love him and I am willing to accept him but naalala ko yung nangyari. I am so scared.. masyadong natatakot ang puso ko.

It was really a long pause.. I don't know what to say. 

Hindi ko matignan ang nasa paligid ko but I know that they are also waiting for my answer.

"OKAY EVERYBODY! MAY SECOND FLOOR 'TONG SHOP! LET'S GO! LET'S HAVE A PARTY THERE!" sigaw ni Caly at lahat sila ay napasunod ni Caly sa second floor na dapat mamayang midnight ko pa bubuksan. 

May mini bar kasi doon.

Naiwan lang dito ay ang pamilya ko at kaming dalawa. They are all waiting for my answer, mas lalo tuloy akong na pe-pressure. 

Ang sagot na hindi ko alam kung saan ko huhugutin ay mas nakakapangamba. Ayokong mag padalos-dalos dahil baka magkamali ako at pagsisihan ko buong buhay ko.  My heart tells me that I should accept him but my brain tells me otherwise.

"Francis.. si Elaine--" hindi niya na ako pinatapos dahil yinakap niya ako. Nabigla ako sa ginawa niya..

"Please.. I don't want this topic again. I never talked to her again. Galit na galit ako nung malaman kong sinet up. I am so damn tired of you leaving me because of her that is why wala na akong pakielam if kababata ko pa siya. Pinutol ko na lahat ng koneksyon ko sakanya. No one will ever try to hurt you again. I won't allow anyone. Just please.. trust me again. I want you and I need you in my life, Camille. I love you so much please.." napapikit ako.. Nangingilid na ang luha ko. Seeing him like this makes my heart so compressed.

I saw my dad seriously looking at us. I want to know what he thinks of this but when he smiled at me.. I think I know his answer now.

"Natatakot ako. I am so damn scared. May trust ako sayo but I don't trust her." sabi ko at bumuhos na ang luha ko. This is the truth, I am so scared. 

Ayokong magpaligoy ligoy pa. This is the fact of all facts in my life. Natatakot akong masaktan ulit.

Humiwalay siya sa akin at tinignan akong mabuti. 

"Hindi ko na dapat to gagawin pero dahil wala na akong maisip na paraan para maniwala ka sakin.. I'll do it now. This is my last card, but it is my most precious one" sabi niya at napakagat siya sa ilalim ng labi niya. 

I was supposed to ask what will he do but I was shock by what he did.

Nagulat ako nung lumuhod siya sa harapan ko at binuksan ang maliit na velvet box at may singsing doon. 

Ito ba yong sinasabi nila Kuya Brian na Goodluck? Kasabwat ba sila? Are they all okay after what happened? Ako nalang ba ang hindi makamove on sa Elaine issue?

Sinubukan ko siyang hilahin patayo pero ayaw niya. Tinignan ko ang mga kaibigan at pamilya ko. Nakita ko din si Nanay at Ate na nakangiti. 

Nakangiti silang lahat. Dad was also smirking.. 

I am so not expecting this.. lalo na at opening ng shop ko. I can hear everyone having fun on the second floor. 

"Anong ginagawa mo? Tumayo ka nga diyan." tanong ko at sinubukan ko siyang itayo ulit pero sadyang seryoso siya.

I want us to talk.. I want to clear things. 

"I don't know what to say for you to stay with me. Kaya ngayon.. I am laying all of me. I am laying all my cards and all my weapons. I am giving you my surname. I want you to be my wife and I want you to take me as your husband. By doing this.. we will be one. You and me, only. I am this desperate.. please accept me. Five months is just too much. Hindi ko na kayang magtaguan pa tayo, hindi ko na kaya na isang araw ay magpapaalam ka nanaman at hindi nanaman tayo magkikita." napasinghap ako at napatakip sa bibig ko. 

Tumutulo pa rin ang luha ko. Si Caly ay bumalik na at nakangiting nakatingin sa amin.

"I love you at ito lang ang importante sa akin. I-set up man nila ako ulit.. ikaw parin ang mamahalin ko. They can't control nor teach my feelings. My heart belongs to you. I sound so gay right now but if this will make you stay then I am more willing to be corny just for you to stay with me" nakita kong nangilid na rin ang luha niya. 

Umupo ako at pumantay sakanya.

He touched my cheeks and wiped my tears. 

"Paano kung magsisi ka? Paano kung na chachallenge ka lang? Paano kung magbago ang isip mo.. this is a lifetime commitment Francis. Hindi pwedeng isang araw ay magsisi ka nalang at magsawa sa pagmumukha ko." matapang kong tanong. 

Kung bibigyan ko siya ng chance. Kailangan kong makasigurado, this marriage is not a joke. This is for a lifetime kaya hindi pwede ang padalos dalos.

Gasgas na ang kasabihang ito pero totoong totoo ito. Ang pagaasawa ay hindi kanin na isusubo at pag napaso ay iluluwa.

"I wouldn't. I know I wouldn't. Damn. I will never get tired seeing your face." I can hear frustrations in his voice. 

Huminga siya ng malalim at tinignan ako sa mata. Para bang sinasabi niya na napaka seryoso niya ngayon.

"Hindi ko na alam ang sasabihin ko, nasayo na ang desisyon but I want to tell you that I want you to be Camille White - Salazar. I want you to be the mother of my children. I want to sleep and wake up with you by my side. I want you to be with me forever. Wife, I am not joking. Hindi ako luluhod sa harap mo if I am doubting. This is what I feel and I am sure about this. So now.. Are you willing to spend the rest of your lifetime and even after your life if it is possible, with me?" napalunok ako at napapikit. 

I know that I am more willing.. 

I still love him. Alam ko iyon.. 

"Sis, nag explain na siya. He is just drunk nung gabing yon. Nagulat daw siya nung magising siya na katabi na yung bruhang yon. Papaalisin na  daw niya sana pero dumating ka. I am saying this.. thinking that it will help you to decide" sabi ni Caly sa akin. Ang buong atensyon ko ay nakay Francis.. 

This is it.. bahala na.

I am setting my cards too.

"I love you. This is for real. Kung ano man ang takot na nasa puso ko.. I hope matanggal mo iyon eventually. Pero sa ngayon.. I want you to be my husband. I want you to be the father of my children. I also want you to be with me forever. Yes! I will marry you" naka ngiti kong sagot sakanya, mabilis niyang sinuksok sa daliri ko ang singsing at yinakap niya ako. 

Nagpalakpakan lahat at sobrang randam ko ang saya. 

"I love you so much" bulong niya sa akin habang yakap yakap ako. Tumango ako at hinalikan niya ako sa noo.

"I love you too" sabi ko at yinakap ko din siya. Everybody was lauging and clapping. 

Everybody was happy so am I.

New shop, new achievement.

But this proposal lead me to a new chapter of my life..