Christian Poems

Unforgivable

Why am I suddenly being reminded of my past?

I wish I wasn't. These things I did when I was a child. When I didn't know any better. And truly, maybe I did for some of them. But those actions and sins aren't who I am.

I'm a new creature in Christ. I'm not that same girl. But why does it seem so unforgivable? Especially thinking about being in a future relationship

This is probably the only way Satan knew how to get me. Thinking of my past. Trying to get me to turn away from God out of shame. It's almost working, but I won't let it split me from Him. Although, I seem to be letting it do a good job of splitting me apart.

How could I possibly tell these sins to a potential husband. I feel if I keep these past things to myself out of the fact these things don't make me me, I would feel guilty for keeping a secret. Some sins are easier to admit than others.

If my coworker I have feelings for commited the same sins I have and I knew he wasn't that person anymore, id forgive him. So why is it so hard to forgive myself. Or even to believe God could forgive me.

I feel too evil. Nobody deserves to have to deal with me. Not just my sins, but if people took a look at my whole life, I wouldn't blame them if they walked away. Nobody deserves to associate with someone like me. They deserve better. My coworker deserves better. God deserves better.

Maybe it's best for me to just remain as I am- single, for the rest of my life. Although, I know that may be the shame and deep sadness talking. Either way, Paul has a bit of a point.

I just need to search for encouragement from God and remain in Him. Paul also had a point when he said to forget the past and strain towards the future. But why does that seem so difficult right now?

Why do I feel so unforgivable? Because I don't deserve to be. But God is good and just. But I still know I shouldn't be forgiven. It may be best for me to whither away.

I wish I could take back these sins. I know they make up my testimony, but I'm so evil and have a past full of transgressions, that I just wish I was never born. Never gave God the distress I did when I made these sins against Him.

But I'm still here and I know He's using me and working on me. So I have to trust I'm forgiven. Even when I feel I'm undoubtedly unforgivable