Christian Poems

Betrayal

Who knew this story of my feelings for a coworker would end in us becoming strangers?

That it would end in a betrayal.

However, it's a betrayal I will forgive. I will forgive the hurt he's caused me. If only I could have my conscience cleared from feeling guilty about the unknown and innocent people that are also drawn into this.

The man I thought to be a kind Christian, turned out not to be that. He turned out to be a man with a wife and son.

A man that I'll pray for.

Nobody can hurt my feelings without my permission, so I refuse to dwell on the matter. But I realize, God, without You, I wouldn't have been able to forgive him. Wouldn't have had the strength. I would've let the hurt consume me.

Instead I told him I forgave him, but that we can't talk anymore. I'll do my part and actively avoid him as to not cause further problems or temptations.

I wish I had listened to You. I wish I didn't have on the rose colored glasses that blinded me. I'm sorry I shoved off Your convictions as silly. Or not right. Not really from You.

There were times, even early when we became friends, I felt I shouldn't cross lines or become more friendly than a coworker should. Of course, I never seduced him flirtatiously, let alone on purpose. But I realize I shouldn't have been able to get this far by ignoring You. Even if it were just little icks I noticed.

Things he's said and done or lack there of, should've been a sign. I'm admitting my lack of wisdom. And the part of me that didn't care.

But there's a great lesson in this. I know I need to practice discernment and to listen to You even if it doesn't make sense. Especially since I can't see the future as You can.

I stand before You, besides this, in clear conscience. I was having quite the panic attack at the thought of having to talk to him. But You calmed me down and gave  me the strength. You answered my prayer into helping me speak without accusing and with gentleness. To not focus on my own hurt.

You had me break it off cleanly and able to verbally forgive him.

You also healed my heart. It hurt greatly for a while, but as my night shift went on, You lessened it. And now I feel even better. I know it can't hurt me unless I let it. There's things I've learned from this. There's things I need to obviously work on. And it gives me back focus on You.

And while I can never understand a betrayal like this, I lay it before You. I will continue to pray for him and his family. For You to forgive him and strengthen him to turn back to You in righteousness. And while I feel guilty because of myself being a stumbling block to him against his wife, I know it wasn't intentional. I never would've let a friendship happen if I had known.

So, God. This is no longer a betrayal that'll tear me down. It's in Your hands. Carry me forward towards the Finish Line.

Amen.