love you later | yeonbin ✓

017

It's a lot easier to ignore his worries than he initially thought. Sure, every now and then he will look at Yeonjun across the table, watch a blush blossom on his face or his cheeks dimple in a soft smile, and it makes his heart clench in his chest with the knowledge that he has to leave this behind at some point. But then Yeonjun smiles at him, carefree and warm, and Soobin forgets anything else.

They fall into a new routine. They haven't kissed again, the morning after their trip riddled with shyness and a little bit of awkwardness. It's not hard to pierce through that though, and while Soobin doesn't dare breach the distance completely, there's a new sense of closeness between them. Suddenly, it doesn't drive him up the wall anymore when Yeonjun asks him to do something if it's accompanied by a gentle squeeze of his hand. They fight less, even bicker less, and in quiet moments Soobin has to laugh because who knew that a few kisses would diffuse the tension that has been building between them.

It makes everything feel lighter, despite the fact that the solstice is coming closer. It only makes them stick closer together, seeking each other's company. Yeonjun is nervous, Soobin can tell, and even though he trusts him, it does rub off on him when Yeonjun keeps fidgeting, doesn't sit still at the dinner table to just check one more thing real quick. He's been stuck at his desk even more than usual, has had people stopping by to deliver gross-looking ingredients that Soobin would rather not know about in detail. He has explained the procedure so many times that Soobin feels like he could do it himself at this point. It would be annoying if he wasn't so terribly endeared with the way Yeonjun was worrying his lip, his eyebrows scrunched in concentration.

It's the night before the solstice, and at least tonight he managed to push Yeonjun towards his bedroom at a decent time. He had only been convinced by the argument that he needs to be well-rested, that he doesn't need fatigue to add to the magic depletion. Instead, it's Soobin who's tossing and turning in his bed for once.

At some point, he gives up, quietly walking out to the little alcove, and calls his mom. It's always been soothing to hear her voice, and although he knows it's his decision to make, somehow he has to make sure he has her support once more.

"I guess I'm just a little nervous," he whispers, afraid to wake Yeonjun up.

"It's a big step, honey. It's okay to be nervous."

"Yeah, I know. It just feels... weird?" He sighs. "I've wanted this for so long, and now the day is almost here and I don't really know what to do with that."

His mom hums and goes quiet for a moment.

"But is it what you want now?"

Soobin's breath stutters. He hasn't really thought about that. Everything that had led him here was a good enough reason to give up on his string. He was resolute in his decision, he had to be. Why else would he have stayed so long? And yet, the words don't make it past his lips. There's a blockage, something preventing him from saying yes, that this is still what he wants, 100 percent.

"Soobin? Darling?"

A crash rumbles through the house, followed by the sound of low curses. It is coming from downstairs and Soobin sighs.

"I'm here. Sorry, mom, I gotta go. Something came up."

It's a weird thing to say at 11:30 at night, but she doesn't mention it.

"Alright. Just please make sure you're doing what you really want, yeah? It's okay to change your mind."

"I know. Goodnight, mom. I'll call you again soon."

He waits for her to hang up first, and as soon as the line disconnects he rushes down the stairs. It doesn't take him long to find the cause of the commotion. The door to the study is propped open the slightest bit, the light falling through the gap. Soobin pushes it open as quietly as possible and leans against the doorframe.