love you later | yeonbin ✓

037

As he walks back into the living room towel-drying his hair, he barely recognizes the room. The air smells fresh and clean, the takeout containers and cereal bowls littering the coffee table have disappeared. He walks towards the sound of dishes clinking against each other until he reaches the kitchen. Taehyun is standing at the sink with his back towards him, Beomgyu nowhere to be seen.

"Hey."

"Oh, hey," Taehyun says and looks over his shoulder. "Feel any better?"

"Yeah, actually."

"I'm glad."

"Where is Beomgyu?"

"Out to get some groceries, he said he wanted to make lunch."

"Oh. Don't you have other plans?" Guilt settles into the gaps between Soobin's ribs, floods his chest until it's full to the brim. As grateful as he is, he doesn't want to monopolize what was probably supposed to be a nice day for the two of them.

"Not really," Taehyun shrugs. "And besides, we haven't seen you for over eight months. That's worth postponing other things."

He's done doing the dishes, puts the last plate onto the drying rack, and dries his hands on a dishtowel before he turns around to face Soobin. For a moment, time stands still as they look at each other, take each other in. Soobin hadn't noticed before, too occupied with his own misery, but Taehyun looks different. His hair is a peachy pink, slightly longer than when Soobin had last seen him, and his shirt sleeves are clinging to his arms.

"Been going to the gym lately?" Soobin raises his eyebrows.

Taehyun chuckles and ducks his head shyly. "A little bit, here and there."

"Good for you. You look great."

"So do you."

Soobin pulls a face. He looks a bit better now, that's for sure, but the vision that greeted him in the mirror just about an hour ago is all too vivid in his mind.

"You do," Taehyun says and chuckles as he tilts his head. "I'm serious. There's something different about you, even if I can't pinpoint it."

Soobin smiles weakly. He doesn't have a problem pinpointing what's different about him. For better or for worse, the past few months have been life- changing for him. He's learned so much, has met many different people, has heard their stories, his heart aching, celebrating, crying, loving alongside theirs. It's not just Yeonjun.

But Yeonjun is the biggest part of it. He opened Soobin's eyes to new things, made him discover a passion for nature he never even knew he had. He taught Soobin patience in so many ways. Patience with other people, with things, with himself. And by sharing his own story with Soobin, he showed him how resilient he could be. He constantly made Soobin want to strive to be better. Showed him how to love when he thought his heart was done with it. A heaviness engulfs him when a thought sneaks up on him. That's what soulmates are supposed to do. But Yeonjun isn't his, has a brighter future ahead of him with a soul that matches his own, bright and golden.

"What's that face for?" Taehyun interrupts the dark tornado wreaking havoc inside Soobin's brain.

He shakes himself out of it before he answers.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Are you? Really? It's okay if you're not."

Soobin shrugs. "I'm tired of not being okay. I'm so tired."

His voice cracks towards the end, betraying him even as he tries to keep on a brave face. He's always been able to be honest with Taehyun, but there is a bone- deep exhaustion inside of him that he doesn't know how to keep hidden. It's riddled with feelings of anger and self-loathing because he knows the reason he's not okay right now is his own fault. He was okay. He was finally learning to breathe again only to cut off his own oxygen in fear of having Yeonjun do it for him when the time was right.